blah blah blah

FUCK IT. If I have chocolate everyday, then oh fucking well. And I'm going to say fuck in every sentence in this post.

I'm really sorry that I've been fucking up on this blog thing. It was just so fucking hard to get back into it. Okay the fuck has got to stop I'm annoying myself.

There is no way I'm going to put everything I ate last week. Let's just say it was bad. And I only worked out twice. And it was in the same day so that doesn't really count. Today I went to climb the mountain and that is a KILLER workout. And we are going to do climb it when you come, and you are going to hate me, but then you'll like it.

Okay I don't want to type anymore. I ate some sweets and some other stuff but nothing too bad.
I'm on the phone with you. BYE!

You know what sucks??

... Amy fucking Winehouse has a better body than me. Now that's bad.

(just had to tell you that. more later, promise.)

`

We are so dropping the ball with the blog.  I don't like that.  I've been drunk for the better part of the past three days so that's my excuse.

Anyway...  I'm still on Spring Break and still using that as an excuse to be eating badly.  Im not even eating badly....just eating A LOT.  Thurs was ridiculous I just ate allllll day with the kids I babysit.  Then I went out to dinner with my roommates.  I had a chimichanga and three margaritas... but don't worry... I threw almost all of that up.  

Yesterday

Breakfast

Special K Bar 180 cal

Lunch

Salad... walnuts, cucumbers, avacado, grilled chicken, Russion

Some grapes

Oh shit.... I didn't eat dinner.  Well I guess I had three glasses of wine for dinner.  Damn.

Today 

Breakfast

Total w/2%  220ish cal

Lunch

Lean Cuisine pizza 310 cal

Snack

South Beach Protein 140

Activita Light 70

Okay I have to write this so I don't forget it.  I just had a realization.  I feel like I've had several major realizations since our first conversation about starting this whole thing (I think that would be considered as the first realization).  I was looking at the pictures of myself from last night and looking at how long my hair is.  I "bobbed" my hair in the summer of... I'm trying to think...  2007.  And it looked horrible.  It did.  One of my reasons or excuses for doing it was that I was going to donate it.  But when I went ot the dresser he said it was so damaged that they wouldn't take it.  And my brother donated his hair years ago and I remember there were a lot of restrictions.  But I cut it anyway and I am happy that I did because it's all one color and my natural color at that (I have been dying my hair since I was like 11) and it was all healthy and Margie, the woman whose wedding I'm in (OMG DID I TELL YOU THE UPDATE WITH THE COUSIN?)  I am basically just rambling.  I just smoked.  Whatever.  It's my last night of Spring Break and I was going to go out... omg I had three opportunities to go out tonight and I never have one opportunity and I didn't take any of them and I'm staying in smoking by myself and watching bull shit TV and RAMBLING here!  OMG this is kind of embarrassing.  Whatever back to my story.........   I put bobbed in quotations because it was longer than a bob but above my shoulders.  It was basically really dyky looking.  I'll find a pic and put it here.  ANYWAY!  What my realization was was that I look and feel so much more beautiful with long hair.  And it took a really long time for my hair to finally be long again.  And so I wonder if subconsciously I was making myself ugly.   Like...  I didn't get fat by accident (sounds like something I learned from Biggest Loser, probably did) and I made my hair really ugly.  Like... did I do it on purpose?  To punish myself?  Because I was so miserable with my life?  And like now I'm making it better.  Because I am happier.   Or am I happier than my hair is longer and my weight has nothing to do with my happiness?  I doubt the latter.  I don't know.  But things are good.  OMG what if something is horribly going to go wrong.  And my world wasn't rocked on the 17th thank you very much, AOL Free Weekly Romance Horoscopes.  Thanks for nothing.  

I heart the elliptical

Katie-

Seriously... I don't know what changed... but I really love doing the elliptical.  It's FUN!  And I feel like it's working my entire body.  Like I feel like everything on my body jiggles and hopefully the fat is being jiggled away.  

YESTERDAY

I went to the gym...  I did 30 minutes on the elliptical burned 300.  Then did some random arm work with dumbells and 100 crunches.  Then I did another 30 on elliptical... another 300.  Over 4 miles all together.  

What I ate:

Breakfast

Fruit

Lunch

Whole wheat pita 140 cal

Broccoli, cauliflower, some carrots steamed with a little evoo and salt

Cheese 100 cal

Blue cheese dressing 60 cal

Snack

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Dinner

Amy's Organic Lasagna 310

Whole wheat pita 140

Snack

Finished the jar of the peanut butter.  NOT buying another jar unless a special occasion calls for it.

Some fruit

Bowl of Total 200ish cal.  

I think that's it.  I hope that's it.

OMG I was watching Biggest Loser and SOBBING last night!  I want Ron's other son to lose his weight so bad.  He can do it!  He just doesn't know it!  There NEEDS to be a follow up with him.  He should be on the next season.  I should be his partner.

Oh YEA...  I went to Modells yesterday to get those velcro strappy weights to tie on my arms while I'm on the treadmill (now elliptical)....  I didn't get 'em... but I did get a Solar Belt.  What's a solar belt?  Well...  it's basically a gertle you tie around your waist and it's supposed to work with your body temperature and make you sweat from your middle helping you to lose inches.  It's almost definitely total bull shit...BUT... it improves my posture soooooo much.  It's so weird.  I have been wearing it all day last night and all day today.  I feel like I'm standing properly for the first time ever.  And it does make my stomach sweat... but I don't really think that's doing anything...except being gross.  I ALMOST bought this RIDICULOUS suit... like an MC Hammer kind of deal that is supposed to make your whole body sweat... but I didn't want to be not only the 'the white girl' at the gym but 'the white girl in that ridiculous sweat suit' so I didn't get it.  But I really heart the Solar Belt.

TODAY

Okay I overslept this morning...  was going to go to classes but didn't.  Now I am draaaaaaaagging myself to the gym cause I won't be able to go tomorrow.  I'm going shoe shopping first.  

What I ate

Breakfast

Fruit (kiwi, grape, pineapple, strawberries)

FiberOne bar 140

I'll update later.

I curse you, Easter....

...damn your bunny and his chocolate.  During Easter dinner I turned to my mom and said, "I seriously think I gained five pounds from being home this weekend," jokingly...when sure enough, I get on the scale yesterday and I have gained....five..... pounds.  I'm not going to dwell on it.  The whole time I kept telling myself, 'I am home...I am on vacation...I don't want to be deprived.' With baskets of candy randomly placed throughout my grandmother's house, I found myself totally eating mindlessly.  Like I would just keep popping Dove eggs or mini Kit Kats into my mouth.  And in my mom's house....agh....  Apparently she gets zeppolis everyday with her lunch.  Tell me you know what zeppolis are.  I think they're my favorite thing in the whole world.  Well my third...bagels, french fries, zeppolis.  I think like 3 zeppolis have a days worth of calories.  Well....  Friday night....  I had EIGHT!  And I didn't get to the gym at all.  I didn't do any exercise except for a short walk.  I feel super gross.  Okay... I'm not going to dwell I'm not going to dwell.  Now I'm back in the city and back on track.  I seriously had to leave Long Island just because it was throwing off my routine so much.   

I'm off from school until next week and I have the next two days totally free before I start work.  Yesterday I went to the gym... didn't go to classes because I went in the afternoon.  But, hey!  I LOVE THE ELLIPTICAL!  I don't know what happened.  I did the treadmill for a half hour or so...burned like 300 cal.  Then my ankles started hurting so bad so I got off but still felt like I wanted to keep working out so I was like, I'll get on the elliptical and die after ten minutes and then go home.  I started doing it and I didn't feel like dying this time.  It was way easier.  I think it was cause I totally relaxed my body and let it just flow with the step things.  That doesn't make sense.  But I heart it....

What I ate yesterday

Breakfast

Fruit (strawberries, grapes)

Activia no fat 70 cal

Snack

Large iced coffee skim one sugar

Lunch

Whole wheat pita 140

Veggie burger 110 

Dinner

Amy's Organic enchiladas 260 cal

Pineapple

Snack

One Dove egg

Apple with the peanut butter (I need to finish this jar which obviously won't be difficult.... I just can't have this in the house)

Okay I'm off to the gym now....  then clothes shopping... I was up all night thinking about going and was so so so excited I couldn't sleep... that's ridiculous :-D

Hey Kate!

Hope you're enjoying your Spring Break. And you should be proud that your mom said good things about the way you look. She didn't have to say anything. You look awesome and you know it. Look how far you've come!

So I'm about to go work out. I'm gonna try and exercise for a long time bc I'm going to eat dinner with John's family tonight. I'm gonna do the elliptical (you made me realize I've been spelling it wrong, opps) for 10-15 mins and then the treadmill for at least 35. Then crunches.

Here's what I ate:

-PButter sandwich
- R. fat cheese its

(okay, blame it on my limited funds on why I've been eating the same thing. I'll work on it :)

I'll try to update later. If I don't get to it tonight (I'll be at John's and he doesn't have the internet), I'll do it tomorrow.

Stupid Ear!

It has been clogged up for three days. I don't know what to do. I've tried the ear cleaner stuff that the pharmacist recommended and sudafed (also recommended), and none of it has worked. I know its not an ear infection, bc it doesn't hurt. ugh, it's soo annoying. I can hear every breath I take, and every crunch I eat. Wow, that's like a song. ... a really lame song.

Lunch:
- Pbutter sandwich with r. fat pb and whole wheat bread
- R. fat cheese its
- 2 strawberries and 2 pieces of pineapple.

I'm going to work out this afternoon. My arms hurt from the weights I did yesterday. My shoulder popped earlier and it was like the best feeling in the world. Weird. I'll update more later. Oh and I'm gonna go eat a granola bar so add that. Bye!


Update:

Okay, I didn't work out. Just didn't feel well. I'm still stuffy and headache-y. I'm beginning to think it's the pollen and not still a cold.

Dinner:
- Pbutter sandwich
- Rfat cheese its
- one bite sized twix and one bite sized kit kat

Later I finished the 1/2 bag of baked lays from Monday night. I can't believe I ate the same thing for lunch and dinner. Pathetic. That is one way to gain weight. I read somewhere that eating the same shit will make you gain. Boo.

I'm still in!

I'm here Kate, I'm here!! I'm just not good at keeping up on the weekends.

Here's what I ate on Sat:

Lunch:
- 1/2 a corndog
- 3 grilled chicken sliders (they were SUPER small, I swear!) (Okay, I had ONE fried one too)
- hot tamales

Dinner:
- Potato Soup (320 cal)
- grilled cheese (210 cal)

And later on in the night I had Ben and Jerry's Frozen Yogurt.. like 1/2 the pint. It was 280 cal I think?? I don't remember, and it's loooong gone now so I can't look at the container. I know that's not very good, but I had to have something. And it's lowfat.

Sunday:

Lunch (didn't have time for breakfast):
- P butter sandwich
- Sunchips (one serving)
- Granola bar

Snack:
- Fiber one bar

Dinner:
- Potato soup (same as above)
- Grilled Cheese
and I finished the rest of the fro yo, so that was another 280 or so..

Today I worked out and I reallllly didn't want to. I was feeling down and I knew it was the only thing that would make me feel better, so I just did it. I did 10 mins on the eliptical and seriously almost died. I was sweating soooo much. I really think I do it wrong somehow, bc other people aren't dying on it like I am. Even the big people. I did the hill setting, and according to the calorie counter, I burned just as much on that machine in 1o mins as I do on the treadmill (100 cal.) So, FUCK the eliptical. But really, I was sweating so much that it had to be a better workout than the treadmill. Anyway, I did 10 mins on the eliptical and 30 on the treadmill.

..And this guy got on the treadmill by me and smelled so bad that I almost got off and did another machine. It was nasty. He smelled like week-old moldy socks. I was seriously breathing through my mouth. He finally got off after like 5 mins. .. 5 mins of smelly hell.

Here's what I ate today:

Woke up late so I had a brunch.. I know, it's so bad to be skipping breakfast. I'm going to work on it.

Brunch:
- Egg and cheese sandwich (same as grilled cheese, as far as calories, but with two egg whites added.)
- "dipped" granola bar

Post-workout snack:
- R. fat cheese its, waaay too many.

Dinner:
- 1/2 a turkey sandwich from the deli on whole wheat bread
- salad with a tiny bit of ceasar dressing (probably 1/2 tablespoon) and feta cheese
- bag of baked lays with hummus. I didn't even finish the whole bag, or the 1/2 sandwich.. weird.
- frozen yoplait yogurt

So, today was a good day as far as eating and working out. Wow, I don't think I've said that in a looong time. OH! I forgot, I did arm exercises at the gym. Three different machines, 3 sets of 10 each.

Goodnight Kate!

(Oh, and don't act like they don't have internet in Long Island)

I will always be fat

That's what I feel like.  My stomach is huge.  It's way bigger than last week.  What the fuck is wrong with me?

No gym today.  Planned on going to two classes.  Was too tired for the early one so slept a little more and ended up sleeping through both.  It was pouring rain all day and was really dark out so I had a hard time getting up.  I suck.  

Agh what I ate today:

Breakfast:

Total w/skim 200 cal

Activia fat free 70 cal

Lunch

Amy's Organic Shepards Pie 160 cal

Dinner #1

Bowl of Cheerios w/skim 200ish cal

2 bananas

Math class snack

Agh... it was my friends birthday and I felt bad she had to spend it in math class with me so I brought in candy.  And she brought in cookies.  Mother fucker....  so I had 

Three bite sized Twix

One bite size Milky Way

2 cookies.  

Dinner #2... which I had a freakin 11pm not good.

Amy's Organic Alphabet soup 160 cal

4 crackers stolen from roommate 70 cal

I feel so disgusting.  I am for shizz going to the gym tomorrow.  Then I'm going home for Spring Break.  So I probably won't be able to post for the next week.  Not that you care.  Not that you are at all involved in this blog anymore.  Not like you're even reading this.  

I'm going to try and go to the gym when I'm home.  I got the "gold" membership so I can use the Lucielle's there and my aunt apparently goes everyday (yea right I don't believe her) so I'm gonna make her do a class or two with me.  I hope I don't run into any fucking bitches from high school.  I know I will.  I hope they're fat.  

Oh, incidentally...  I bought my friend the special peanut butter as a little birthday gift.  I can't wait to hear what she thinks of it.  I also bought a jar for my aunt for Easter.  And I bought another jar that I was going to give to my mom... but I don't think my mom would appreciate it.  So I kept it for myself.  Whatever you can judge me.  I am full.  I am full.  I need to tell myself I'm full so I don't go ahead and eat the whole jar.  I know if I have one spoonful the entire jar will be gone.  That canNOT happen again.

Okay... Long Island, here I come.  I feel like I'm going to be so embarrassed like my family is expecting me to be like anorexic thin and I'm still a fatty fat fat fatty.  AGH!

Can't stop eating

I feel fat.  Like my stomach will not go down.  What I ate today:

Breakfast

Special K w/skim

Fat free Activia 70 cal

Tall skim double latte 150 cal

Lunch

I was totally pressured into eating by the lady I work for

6 healthy nuggets... roughly 250 cal

Ketchup agh maybe 2 tb

Mozzarella stick I think 120 cal

Some red pepper

Some grapes

1/2 cup Ben and Jerrys froyo 180 cal

Snack

Strawberries

Some cantaloupe hardly any

One bagel bite

Dinner

Smart Ones 290

Whole wheat pita 140

Yogurt w/granola 200

No gym today... but it was a gor-ge-ous out today and apparently their apartment building has a playground so I took them out to play for like an hour and 15 minutes.  We played an intense game of tag and I made sure to actually run during it.  We also had a push up contest.  I did 20 (2 sets of 10).  Leila made sure to do 21.  Biotch.  I also did a lot of arm work while I watched them on the play... I did that thing where you put your legs out and like dip bending your arms.  Then I did it the other way like doing some chest presses.  Oh yea we also did like 50 jumping jacks.  Leila wanted to have a sit up contest but that's where I drew the line.  So at least I got some kind of exercise today.

I was supposed to hang out with this guy and we were going to smoke but I told him to forget it.  He wasn't gonna make it here til 9:30 (CPT that means 11 earliest) and I have to make it to the gym tomorrow and then write like 4 papers and I knew that would never happen if I smoked.  Plus I didn't want to smoke outside because someone got mugged outside my building last week so the po has been patrolling like crazy and I definitely didn't want to smoke in my room or have him in my room at all.  And my VH1 reality shows are on tonight.  I'm such a loser.  But at least I'm a loser that's not getting high.  

There is pizza in my refrigerator and it is KILLING me trying to resist eating it.  My roommate offered some to me yesterday.  I looked it up....  it's 360 for one slice.  Is it worth it?  I ate SO much today but I'm still hungry.  Like even after that dinner my stomach is growling.  And a freakin apple is not going to cut it.  OMG I can not eat that pizza.  I want it sooooo bad.  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.  Nothing tastes as good as thin feels. 

I didn't eat the pizza.  I had 120 cal worth of raisins and I'm about to eat an orange.  Why am I so hungryyyyy?  I'm gonna try chugging some water.

Okay I have now updated this like 5 times.  I ate the orange.... AND a bowl of Special K............AND a Fiber One bar.  What is wrong with me?

All dressed and nowhere to go

Katie -

I'm pissed.  I got all ready in my slutty dress and now I don't even think I'm gonna go out.  The one coworker I was depending on to go out so I wouldn't have to go out by myself with the other idiot coworker now is going home.  So I've been dressed for like an hour and have just been laying here starring at the ceiling.  I'm waiting to hear from another friend... not a friend... a friend of the idiot coworker who wanted to hang out cause now it's late and I don't want to be walking around here by myself so I want him to come get me but now I haven't heard from him either.  Agh.  I should just go to bed.  What a waste of makeup.

I went to the gym this morning.  Was too tired to make it to the first class but I went to the second.  I felt like it was a waste of time.  That teacher seriously makes everyone do these gyrations and basically hump the ball and the air the entire time.  In addition to not wanting to hump anything in a room full of 40-60 year old Latina women, I didn't feel like it was working my abs at all like it was allegedly supposed to.  I then did 30 minutes on the treadmill... burned 300 cal there.  

What I ate:

Breakfast

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Lunch

Veggie burger 110 cal

Whole wheat pita 140 cal

One slice munster freaking 86 cal... I should have checked the cal before I ate it duh

Yogurt with granola like 110 cal

Snack

Mozzarella stick

Banana

Dinner

4 healthy chicken nuggets 200 cal

Cantolope

A bite of organic ravioli 

Wow I don't know what to do.  I don't know if I should just put on my pajamas or continue to wait here with my slutty dress on.  I don't have a full length mirror so I have to take pics of myself.

   

I guess I'll save it for this party I have on the 17th.  My horoscope said "Prepare to have something rock your world on the 17th."  I'm prepared.

Agh this SUUUUCKS...  putting on my pjs like a loser.

Kate

P.S. I sat home and rotted and ate.  Bowl of Special K, yogurt, South Beach bar.  De to the pressed

Survived through 2 classes

Dear Katie,

I did two classes this morning!!!!!!!!!  First one was Triple Fat Burner and the second an abs class.  My ear got clogged again at the beginning of the first class and I almost stopped... but didn't.  Woohoo.  I just ignored it and pushed through.  

Then I went to work... bought some clothes while I waited for my girl at her appointment.  Trying clothes on is fun now haha.  Well no not entirely.  It'd be funner if I actually had money.  I got a pair of skinny jeans... size 7 (did you know odd number sizes mean they're for juniors?)... they're too big in the waist... but they were awesome and the only ones they had so I got them.  And I got a totally slutty dress that I'm going to rock out and act like a total slut tomorrow.  I'm going to ACT like a slut and flirt with lots of boys... not be a slut.  I need a date for this f-ing wedding.  ANYWAY... I also took a short walk through Central Park... maybe 15 min.  Now I'm going to sit on my ass and watch tv the rest of the night.

Have you ever seen the commercial... I think it's for Nutrasystem... with the guy and he goes, "Do you want big pants?  Try this diet!"  It bothers me tremendously.  Why would you want big pants?  Wouldn't the goal there be to just be able to wear a smaller size pant?  I'm gonna write them a letter.

I am sooo gassy.  I googled reasons for being very gassy.  I learned A LOT about farts.  www.heptune.com/farts.html VERY interesting stuff.  I wanted to know if the gas was brought on because I've been working my abs more.  But no... there doesn't seem to be a correlation between getting tighter abs and gas.  Nor is there one between weight loss and gas.  Disappointing.  

What I ate today:

Breakfast

Fiber One bar 140cal

Lunch

Amy's Organic Lasagna 310

Banana

Snack

Apple

Wheat Thins reduced fat... way too many.  

Dinner

Whole wheat pita 140 cal

One grilled chicken breast

Like 1/2 cup 2& cheese

Like 1/4 cup bake beans

I am stufffffed.  Probably all the wheat thins.  Dammit.

I'm shooting for two classes at the gym again tomorrow.  I took Sudafed to hopefully combat any ear popping issues tomorrow.  They're making me feel buzzed....so I'll fall asleep nice and early.  Still mad gassy....almost to the point of ridiculously gassy. 

47 dayssssssss!

One,

Kate

Coughing is a good ab workout

I just got back from the gym. I did 40 mins on the treadmill at the highest hill setting.. The incline ranged between 9.0- 13.5. But I walked at a normal pace bc I wanted to take it slow while I'm still coughing my lungs out. Anyway, I burned 400 cal.

What I ate:

Breakfast:
- 1/2 fiber one bar

Lunch:
- A Roly Poly rolled sandwhich on a whole wheat tortilla .. It has a chicken salad like mixture in it w/ romaine lettuce, basil, tomatoes, avacado and pinapple. The mayo in the chick probably isn't good for you, but they kind of jipp you on the chicken anyway, so there isn't that much of it. Oh my God I need to learn to shup up. Why are you still reading this?
- bag of baked lays

Post workout snack:
- pbutter toast

Dinner:
... havent had it yet, but I'm going to this place that has a really good grilled chicken ceasar sandwich. and I'll get a side salad with it instead of a mound of delicious fries. ugh I hate my life.

Okay no I don't hate my life, but why can't I just be skinny and eat french fries all day?

Happy Friday!
-Katie

Ohh Thursdays....

So no gym today... Thursdays are my day at the elementary school.  This fucking kid ran from me.  Agh so he comes into his music class late like a maniac flailing his arms and then sits and immediately gets up and is like "I'm going to the bathroom" and I'm like "You can't just come in and out as you please and he's like "Yes I can" so I got up like I was gonna kick his ass and he just took off running.  And then I was walking to his main classroom to tell his teacher and I see him down the hall and he's fucking laughing and like taunting me and I'm like "Keep laughing when security comes for you" so he just took off running again.  I realized I can never wear heels to this school... in the event I need to run after another little mother fucker.  Anyway this has nothing to do with my weight loss... other than he raised my blood pressure so much my heart was pounding and I swear I thought of you in that moment cause I felt like I just ran 10 minutes on the treadmill I was so worked up and wished I wasn't wearing heels cause I would have run after him and caught his ass and that would have been my workout of the day.   You would not fucking believe the shit that goes down at this school.  I think the principal who placed me in this class is trying to scare me out of teaching.  But she doesn't know how hardcore I am.

Anyway what I ate:

Breakfast

Total Raisin Bran w/skim 200ish cal

Lunch

Apple

Fiber One bar 140 cal 

(like I said.. teacher's don't get to eat lunch... I was scarfing this down in between giving like 100 high 5's to this boy who had to stay in from recess to take reading quizzes and he kept getting 100s so I kept dishing out the high 5's...  high 5's are a wonderful teaching tool)

Snack

Baked Lays 130 cal

Fruit Snack 200 cal (I thought it was 80 but then I looked at the serving size and it was 2.5...fuckers)

Dinner

Two veggie burgers 220 cal

Whole wheat pita 140 cal

Like 2 cups of brown rice

One tbsp ketchup

1/2 tbsp mayo

Oh yea I bought an iron before my class and then fucking left it in my classroom and realized this the minute I got home so I literally ran back to school.  Not the whole way... But I must have ran for two straight minutes.  So that was something.  

I really really really really really really really want to do two classes at the gym tomorrow.  Really really really badly.  I believe I can I believe I can.  I probably won't.  We shall see.

I self edit my posts; does that make me totally lame?

So I woke up really late, once again.. My body needed the sleep. The medicine I got worked really well, and I just took the day dose, so I feel much better than I did last night. Let's hope this continues for the rest of the day! I need to work out bc I'm fat!!!! I'm thinking subway for lunch, so I'll update you a bit later.

-kt

Don't dog the post! I wasn't done yet!!!

Thought I could work out today , but nope. I still fill ill (I spelt that like a Southerner would say it, get used to it Kate)

This is what I ate:

Breakfast:
-Fiber one bar

Lunch:
- R. fat cheese its
- Tortilla chips and cheese dip.. it actually wasn't too bad for one serving (which was one ounce.. who the fuck does that?? I know how much a tablespoon and a cup are, but an ounce?? well, I didnt eat that much of it.)
- a dipped granola bar
.... This is the worst excuse for a lunch, but I thought I could eat lunch over there and save some money (I'm horrible, I know, but they ended up jipping me out of like 15 bucks this week, so I don't feel bad. Plus, when you babysit, the parents always say "help yourself," but I bet they don't expect me to eat a truckload of food like I usually do. Wow, this is a long parenthetical thought...) but that didn't work out bc they apparently haven't been to the grocery store in a while.

Dinner:
- Grilled cheese with lowfat cheese and whole wheat bread (about 200 cal)
- Soup (320 cal)

I'm probably going to have something sweet too. Maybe a granola bar or some yogurt. I really really hope I can go to the gym tomorrow. Wow, I can't believe I just thought that sentence. Weird. I mean, I still don't love the gym-- it's definitely still a love/hate relationship-- but I like at least having the choice of whether to go or not. When you're sick, you really don't have a choice. And I feel like I'm just getting fatter. What happened to the days when you got sick and didn't want to eat anything and you lost like 5 lbs? Seriously. This cold is total bullshit. It would be totally fine, and awesome (!) if it were accompanied by some weight loss.

By the way, this blog has made me realize that I type with a shit load of rambling side notes. ..

-Katie

Sick as Shit

There's some more alliteration for you Kate. So yeah, as you know, I'm sick. I thought it was just allergies, but nope. It's a fucking cold. And I really hate that I don't even have a choice about the gym. Yesterday I thought I could go today, but I felt worse today. I dragged myself out of my bed and got some new medicine. I even asked the pharmacist which cold med to get, and he told me the one I was planning on getting. So anyway, I had a random food day. I would write what I had yesterday, but I'm starting to get droopy. The nighttime medicine is kicking in. ..

Lunch: (skipped breakfast bc my sick ass was still in bed)

-A tiny bit of John's mom's mexican lasanga
-A 99c. bag of Sunchips.. it was big so I probably shouldn't have eaten all of it but i did.

Later, while I was babysitting I was still hungry. I tried to eat an apple, but it tasted old, so I ate:
- handful of reg. potato chips
- two girl scout cookies
... I know.. but there was seriously nothing! I was going to make a piece of p.butter toast, bc I knew that would fill me up, but they're out of pb.

Dinner:
- can of potato soup (320 cal)
- 2 lowfat eng muffins with lowfat cheese (260 cal)
- dipped granola bar (130 cal) (yes. it's "dipped" in chocolate. but this is my new way to try to tame the fucking "cookie monster" in me. at least it's granola. small steps, Kate.)

I want to comment on all of the hilarious shit that youve been posting, but it's going to have to wait til tomorrow.. im serously crashing

-katie

I almost got a burrito today

But I refrained.  I seriously had the phone in my hand to dial the place to have it ordered and just couldn't go through with it.  I was feeling like shit all day and like my automatic response to feeling like shit is to eat shitty food to somehow make myself better.  But I thought about how my exercise and activity (or lack thereof) for the day definitely would not have come close to having burned what the burrito would have cost me.  

I went to the gym this morning.  I did the Total Body Workout class.  There is this teacher... I've mentioned her before.  She's newish and totally totally kicks your ass the whole time... people always leave early cause she's so hardcore.  She was the teacher during the class (or two) that I totally broke down during.  So since I'm over my cold which held me back from putting 100% in her class last week and since the week before I left (but went back) due to my not being able to control my tears I really really wanted to prove to her...and myself... that I could hack it in her class.  But like half way through my eye clogged.  Fucking sinuses.  And I couldn't unclog it.  It totally threw off my equilibrium and I felt really REALLY dizzy which made jumping up and down on the step near impossible (I fucking HATE the step HATE HATE HATE it!).  Oh and before the class I was early so I did 70 crunches on my own.  

What I ate today:

Breakfast

Total cereal with skim 200 cal

Lunch

(not good)

Salad with thousand island 1tb 

Like a cup... or 1.25 cup of pasta salad

3 plantanos (I wanted something fried and figured its a fried fruit so I let myself do it)

Dinner

Amy's Organic broccoli and cheese pot pie 470 cal

Snack

Yogurt w/granola 180 cal

Eesh... I didn't eat so great today.  Especially on top of the fact that besides the gym I laid in bed alllll day.  My head started pounding because of my sinuses.  Damn you, Spring.  

I need to get my act together.  I really want to start doing two hours at the gym.  Oh yea!  I weighed myself and I'm down to 145.  So that "fucking three pounds" is now "fucking five pounds."  I looked up what it means when you're exercising and not losing weight.  Everything was like "Are your clothes fitting better?" and I was like "Yea totally" and it says that that means I'm gaining muscle.  And that the scale is not a good way to measure weight loss.  That makes sense... but still.  I want my numbers besides my inches to drop.  It also said that the first month or two the numbers on the scale might not go down but then after that they should.  So I'm hoping they do.  I am so fucking scared I won't be in a bikini in six weeks.  FUCK

I can't stand the commercials during Biggest Loser

Why do they ALWAYS cut right before the weight loss total?  EVERY time!  I hate it.  They are so going to cut Ron tonight I know it.  It's not fair!!!!!  

Went to the gym this morning.  Did a Tummy Tuck and Butt Lift class.  It was a new teacher.  At first I thought she sucked but I'm sore and I haven't been sore in a while so now I'm thinking she doesn't suck so much.  She also explained how to do a proper crunch.  Pick a spot on the ceiling to look at and then lift your head up towards that spot... not up towards your knees.  You'll for sure feel it more. 

I'm thinking I'm not doing enough at the gym.  I don't think an hour three days a week is enough.  I'm going to try and start doing two hours.  I am excited to come see you and all but like I almost can't be totally excited because I really want to be happy with what I look like.  And I'm not happy with myself right now.  And I'm not happy with the fact that I haven't even lost FIVE pounds since we started this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh God that makes me want to cry.  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??????  THREE LOUSY POUNDS???????  Ew that makes me feel so bad about myself.  I'm working hard... I could be working harder.  WHY AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT????  I'm eating right... I'm exercising...  FUCK this is frustrating.

What did I eat today

Breakfast

South Beach bar 140 cal

(Nooooooooooo Ron gained three pounds!!!!!)

Lunch

Wheat Thins 116 cal

Amy's Organic Indian burrito thing 270 cal

Orange

Banana

Snack

Yogurt smoothie 70 cal

Carrots and low fat ranch dip 80 cal

Dinner

Two grilled chicken breasts

Mushroom barely risotto ala Fresh Direct

I'm depressed.  I feel like I've been giving myself too much credit for what I've been doing.  It obviously hasn't been that great if all I have to show for it is 3lbs.  And I'm still up one pound from when I finished the cleanse.  I feel like I talked this big game and I don't have anything to show for it.  I feel like when my family sees me in a week they're gonna be like "We thought you said you lost weight... you look the same to me."  Three fucking pounds.  That's some bull shit.

I will never teach math

It's true.  I won't.  My students would be better off not knowing any math.  Everyone would.  I hate Math Mondays.  But I love alliteration.  

Anyway...  went to the gym this morning (afternoon).  Did 23 minutes on the treadmill.  I was like wow the time is going by so fast...cause I thought I put it in for 35 minutes... then realized I put my age in when I should have put the minutes.  So I got off and worked my arms with dumbbells for a bit... and did 117 crunches (cause you do 135 cause thats what you want to weigh so I did 117 cause that's what I want to weigh...yeaaa riiiight).  Then I thought I would get back on the treadmill and do another 20 minutes....  so I got on and actually ran!  And I was like I'll run til the end of this song and then the song ended and I was like I could keep going... so I did for another minute.  So I ran for like almost 4 minutes.  Woohoo.  Then I walked a little more and then my calf started hurting like I pulled something so I got off.  I did my arms some more and did 100 more crunches.  Then I left.

What I ate

Breakfast

Special K w/skim

Lunch

Smart Ones 270 cal

Snack

Yogurt w/granola like 150 cal

Banana

Dinner

Lean Cuisine 370

Snack

Some Wheat Thins (I'm going to eat more I'll add)

I feel like I'm still sick.  I was feeling better yesterday but I feel like crap again.  Agh.

I miss the gym

I feel like crap.  Partly because I have a cold.  But mostly cause I haven't been to the gym in three days.  I feel fat.  And nasty.  And gross.  Ew.  I feel like whatever I've accomplished is going away already.  What a horrible feeling.  And I've been thinking that maybe I got sick cause I was like totally run down with everything so I have been eating a little more than I would.  And that's making me feel nasty.

What I ate today:

Breakfast

Special K w/skim

Lunch

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Bag of Smartfood Popcorn...  okay so it was a big bag... and I thought I would eat half then and half later but no... I ate the whole thing in one go.  400 fuckin calories.  Agh.

Snack

Granola bar stolen from my roommate 180 cal

Dinner

Agh... I ordered Chinese (even though what I got was really thai)

Pad thai w/shrimp (I hate shrimp but this was the only pad thai they had and I love love love pad thai but this was so fuckin nasty...  I only ate a little bit...I really wish I didn't get it... it wasn't worth the money... it was so gross I know I'm not going to eat it again and it's not worth even eating it again cause of the calories...agh)

2 spring rolls

What did I eat yesterday?  Oh God yesterday was a horrible day.  The class at the elementary school was horrible... like you wouldn't even believe what goes on there.  I walked out on the class because I said they were being too bad for me.  This little boy was like "No Ms. Katherine don't go I will miss you" God that makes me want to cry.  I also got in trouble for using the girls room that the students use.  This teacher was like "You can't use that bathroom because they might say oh she exposed herself to me." I was like come the fuck on.  It was embarrassing.  She lectured me for like a long time.  I fucking got it lady.  Agh.  And then I had to give a speech.  It was just not a good day.  Not that any of this has to do with what I ate...  okay what did I eat yesterday...

Breakfast

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Lunch

Fiber One bar 140 cal (best I could do cause I got stuck grading spelling tests)

Second Lunch

Salad with some veggies and pasta salad and one egg and way too much Ranch

Dinner

Smart Ones lasagna 290 cal

An orange

I think that's it

Whats worse is that I didn't do any kind of exercise at all today... not even walking like at all.  I walked like 10 minutes if that to the subway going to work and then took cabs everywhere else I went.  I even took a cab home from Chelsea Piers after dropping my kid off there.  A twenty freakin dollar cab ride.  My reason was three fold; 1. I felt really sick and tired 2. I was wearing a black dress with red tights and then realized that these are the colors of the Bloodz so I got really paranoid and didn't feel like I should be walking around Harlem like this 3. My feet are majorly blistery and I could barely walk and my shoes are apparently too big and were literally falling completely off my foot with every 5th step.  And I thought that since I wasn't going to spend money on eating and weed this week that the twenty bucks could go towards a cab instead of the bad stuff... even though I did spend money on food tonight.  Agh...  I can't let it bother me.  It's gone I did it it's over I'll survive.

I just saw my roommate and she's like "Oh we have a date tomorrow!" We're supposed to go to the 9:15 class but there's no way I'm going.  I just took a Nyquil which means I'm going to be hung over and this is my one day to sleep in.  I hope I actually sleep in and don't wake up at 9 like I have been doing on my other days to sleep in.  Wow is this making any sense?  Agh and I am even more pissed now about the money I spent on food and the cab cause I had to take off work tomorrow to go to that woman's house who's wedding I'm in to go over the fuckin Dominican choreographed dance I'm going to have to learn and perform at the wedding.  No... I'm NOT kidding.  

Ew I feel so fat. 

Wow I ate soo much today. I'm about to go work out, but I figured I'd list some of the millions of things I ate today. I'm shooting for five days of working out. Wed- Sun.

Breakfast:
- Fiber one bar

Snack:
- Sunchips
- P. butter toast

Lunch:
- Lean pocket
- R. fat cheese its
- Grapes
- m&ms (I did eat some, but not nearly as much as I did yesterday)

Can you believe that all of that was consumed before 5:00pm?? I seriously feel like I'm going to puke right now though. Thanks to the cheese its and m&ms. Ugh.

I'm staying at my aunt's to watch my cousins while she's out of town, and we are eating out tonight. I'll try to be good. Off to the gym :( I'll update later tater.

oh and one more thing..

Today I weighed myself and ... I weigh just under 150. Like barely under. But the good news is that I can go back down to the 100 level and I don't have to move the scale bar to the 150s. I'm gonna try reallllly hard to stay in the 100s damnit!

And I looked at where my number was on the scale and where I want to be (around 135) and the numbers seemed soooo far away from each other. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do something active in addition to going to the gym.

-Katie

Up hill battle

Okay I worked out today for 50 mins and burned 450 cal. When you do the hill program on these treadmills, you choose your incline level (from 1-20) and I usually do about 13 or 14. Today I did 20 and then went down to 18. It was crazzzzy. The incline would go from 9.0 to like 13, and back and forth. But I was working out hard. At one point I felt dizzy so I had to stop.

What I ate:

Breakfast:
- A big bag of sunchips (like 330 cal)

Lunch:
-Lean Pocket
- Grapes
- 2 girl scout cookies

and m&ms.

ugh.

Dinner:
- ham egg and cheese eng muffin
- r.fat cheese its
- chocolate 100 cal pudding + fiber

The m&ms were at the babysitting house in a jar, and I could not stop eating them. Seriously. It was baaaad.

Sorry this is so short. It's late and I'm tired. I hope you feel better soon. And that the farting stops.. that gas post was soooo funny at the end! I was laughing so hard.

Night night,
Katie

Sick and tired... literally

Katie,

I feel  crappy.  I'm not admitting that I'm sick yet... just feeling really under the weather.  I woke up really early for the gym and got dressed and everything and then googled, "Should you work out when you're sick" and the answer was no... it will probably make it worse.  And I have to give a speech in class tomorrow and go to the elementary school I couldn't take the chance.  I won't be able to work out tomorrow so I'm shooting for Friday and Saturday.  Agh my roommate still wants to go to the 9am class Saturday... so not looking forward to that.

So it's 12:16pm and I've done nothing except eat all day.  What I've had so far:

Special K with skim 180ish cal

Bagel with skim mozzarella 150 cal for the bagel and like 40 for the cheese

Progresso Chickarina 240 cal

I'm taking vitamins so I need to have a full stomach so they don't make me nauseous.  And I'm trying to get energy from wherever I can.  I'm going to have a Vitamin Water or Gatorade when I get to school...  those are so so so bad but I need the electrolytes.  

I don't know what the fuck is going on with my skin... I don't know if it's the diet or stress or cause I'm off the pill... but I'm all pimply and now I'm oily.  I never had a problem with pimples and definitely never had a problem with oil.  So weird... and annoying.

Agh I don't feel good.  I'm gonna lay down for another hour before I write my speech...  I'll add later.

9:25pm

Okay I'm sick.  Dammmmmmn it!  I have so much to do I can't be sick.  Aghhhh.  

Dinner

Turkey with lettuce tomato and a little mayo on pumpernickel roll

Bag on Baked Lays 140 cal

Yogurt w/granola like 200 cal

Oh yea and Gatorade 250 cal

OMG I can't stop sneezing.  I'm gonna google 'how to get over a cold fast'  Oh this is awful... and just when I was doing so well with the gym.  Gooooooodddd

Kate

Gassy gas

Dear Katie,

I'm tired and watching Biggest Loser.  I think I'm in love with Sione.  He's a babe.  So this is gonna be quick.

I think I'm getting a cold.  I've been feeling shitty since Sunday.  Agh I was already sick like a month ago.  It's the people in my classes...  they're always sick.  Teachers are always sick.  Damn you snot nose kids...  Just hoping I can still make it to the gym tomorrow.

Went to the gym yesterday...  did a Bar and Ball class although we didn't use a bar... or a ball...  I've realized that all the classes are more or less the same.  I went to the gym today... did Tummy Tuck... this class does actually focus on abs and butt.  I was actually not dying after the class and was going to stay for the next one but had to get homework done.

What I ate:

Breakfast

Fiber One bar 140 cal

Lunch

Whole wheat pita with 2 veggie burgers 370 cal

Snack

Fruit Salad

Dinner

Chicken curry wrap from cafeteria

I'm going to have a yogurt before I go to bed.  Agh I reaaaally hope I'm not all the way sick.  I've been overdosing on Airborne and Vitamins today.  I need to go out and get fruit  but I have no freakin time.  I am sooooooooooooooooooo gassy!  It is incredible!  I was DYING in my class tonight.  I felt like my stomach was going to pop.  OMG there's this guy I see in the computer lab every single day... I've seen him since I started grad school and we both basically live in the computer lab... and he's really cute and I always try and like catch his eye or smile or whatever... I think he's the shy type... anyway... yesterday I sat on the computer next to him and all of a sudden I smelled the worst fart I have ever smelled in my life.  Like I really thought I was going to die or throw up or both.  It was LETHAL.  And I was like, oh God!  He's going to think it was me!  Then today I sat next to him again... and AGAIN... ANOTHER LETHAL FART!  There is something wrong with him!  Okay just thought I'd share that.. now I'm going to finish Biggest Loser and fart til I fall asleep.

Love,

Kate

P.S. 56 days!

Lazy.

I figured I'd go ahead and get some of this post out of the way. Here's what I've eaten so far today:

- 2 eggs, sans yolk + low fat cheese
- 2 flatbread crackers and leftover hummus from my Jason's Deli meal last night (crackers are 50 cal each)
- Cheerios, no milk.

(how broke am I?..... Eggs, cereal with no milk, crackers..)

Oh and here's what I ate yesterday:

Brunch:
- Ham, egg & cheese english muffin (low fat cheese, muffin, no yolks)

Snack:
- About 5 baked lays

Dinner:
- Low fat lean roast beef sandwich (but it has a shit ton of sodium)
- a pack of blue tortilla chips & hummus
- 2 flatbread crackers
.. and like, two bites of yogurt.

I'll write more later!
YAY!!! You're coming!!!!

AHHH!!!


Update:

So I didn't work out today. I felt like poop for some reason. And I know if I wouldv'e worked out it would've made me feel better, but I just couldn't do it.

Dinner:
- Turkey sandwich from Jason's Deli
- Blue tortilla chips w/hummus

By the way, the people at Jason's Deli hook me up like whoa. So, yeah I'm broke (note today's lunch menu) but I get a meal for like $3. It's awesome.

YAY! !!! YOU'RE COMING TO ATL!!!

-Katie

Productive Sunday

Katie,

At least productive in the exercise sense.  I have so much homework I haven't even looked at it's not even funnnnny how much.  OMG my heart just started pounding so hard cause I'm freaking out about it.  Can that count as cardio?  Anyway.....I really got those calories burning today.  Went to the gym this morning... did 30 minutes on the treadmill (1 mile) and ran for 4 minutes.  Woohoo.  My goal for next week is run 5 minutes at least two days.  Then I did 5 minutes each on the inner and outter thigh machine.  Then I tried to do the bike... but apparently even on the lowest setting the seat is still too high for my legs to reach the pedals all the way.  I swear I have the shortest legs of anyone ever.  Then I did 3 sets of 10 reps of squatting with a medicine ball (pushing the 8lb ball out from my chest on the squat).  Then I did 100 crunches.  It was nice out today so I decided to walk to work (2.1 miles) and then got out earlier than I thought so decided to walk back (another 2.1 miles!)  So I walked over 5 miles today.  Woohoo.  Oh... and I got on the scale with my shoes (which I looked up online weigh only one pound) and it said 148.5 so that means I weigh 147.5...  but I'm gonna say I can subtract the .5 for my clothes and sweat so I'm down to 147.  Woohoo.  Well no woohoo.  I thought I would have lost like 10lbs by this point.  Grrr.  Frustrating.

What I ate:

Breakfast

-South Beach protein Cinnamon Raisin 140 cal

-Activia Light 70 cal

Lunch

-Grilled chicken with broccoli on a whole wheat pita

Dinner

-Amy's Organic Veg Lasagna 310 cal

Snack 

-Rice Krispie treat

-Some wheat thins reduced fat probably 100 cal worth

-Handful of raisins

My roommate wants to go to the gym with me.  This bothers me.  I know it shouldn't.  I know I'm weird.  But I just like going by myself.  It's like my thing.  And I have a routine going.  And I don't want to have to like watch someone else and worry about what they're doing.  I want the gym to be all mine.  But I got her a guest pass and she wants to go Saturday and freakin 9am.  Hopefully I'll be working early and won't be able to go with her.  I'm so messed up.  Maybe I don't have to go with her in order for her to use the guest pass.  

Again... thank you for all your kind words.  I would NOT have been able to be doing all this without you.  And I can't imagine my life without the gym right now.  I would be even more miserable than I already am.  Oh my God I can't even imagine how miserable I would be.  And I'd be fat(ter) and tired all the time.  Ew. I feel like you really understand me on all levels which is cool because nothing about me make any sense... ever.  So... thank you thank you thank you.  I was also considered mildly depressed and put on meds like my senior year of college.  They made me feel way way worse and it was a real low point.  The thing is... since breaking up with M and moving to Harlem I have been the happiest I've been in a long long long time maybe since high school (not including London cause... heeello.)  Like up until two weeks ago I was smiling everywhere I went and felt really satisfied with life.  I felt happy for the first time in a really long time.  I don't know what happened since then.  The thing is... NOTHING'S happened.  There's really no reason for it.  I'm really hoping it's my hormones.  I'm bloated and gassy and really feel like I am having a period and not bleeding.  When I've gone to doctors about it in the past they always had told me to start exercising and that could bring on and regulate my period but I never did.  So I thought since now I'm getting in shape it would be brought on.  I have tried EVERYTHING to bring it on... you wouldn't even believe what I've tried and I'm not even sure I would tell you or anyone else.  Now of course you're going to ask me and I'm going to have to tell you.  Dammit... I should just delete all that.  But I won't.  Because this is a 100% honest place.  Shit.  Anyway I'm going to the gyno during spring break.  I'll talk to him about it (by the way... my gyno is HOT!  Isn't that fucked up?  I looooove going!)  I didn't want to go on the pill if I'm not sexually active but if I have to... I will.  I can't take this anymore.  It can't be situational because you don't break down crying in the middle of the gym... and when the security guard at your school asks to see your ID when you just went on for a minute and see her every single day... like that doesn't make sense.  Nothing has changed within the past few weeks.  Although I did go out a few weekends with my Fairy peeps... and haven't in like two weeks... so having no trace of a social life can't be helping.  I'm trying to remedy that but I mean... New York is the hardest place to make friends and I'm like the oldest person in my dorm and the youngest person in all my classes and at work I only see 8 and 4 year olds so... it's rough.

So the reason I said we should go on a trip in the winter is because I was planning on going somewhere for Memorial Day and am currently raising the funds.  Some place I'd be wearing a bathing suit... which will hopefully be a bikini...maybe at a lake house...some Confederate flags...people saying ya'll.....maybe a peach or two.....................................................................................

:-)

Kate

Blah

Really short one here...

Went to gym this morning.  30 min class (still problems with the teachers... apparently theyre all quitting cause no one is getting personal trainers cause of the recession) and then 30 minutes on treadmill.  Burned 185 calories on it.  RAN for four minutes (wanted to do 5 but was kicked off by the lady with the next time slot)

What I ate:

Breakfast

-Special K and skim milk

-Activia Light 70 cal

-Small Iced coffee skim milk one sugar

Lunch

-Pita with two veggie burgers 370

Snack

-Bag of baked potato chips 100 cal

Dinner

Half can of organic chili (mad gross) 250 cal

1 Wassa fiber cracker 35 cal

Snacks

Wheat things reduced fat probably 160 cal worth

Raisins

Yogurt with too much granola... probably 280 cal all together

Shooting for gym tomorrow... that would make it my FIFTH this week...  woohoo!

Tired

Kate,

Today I worked out on the treadmill for 45 mins and burned 280 cal. I also did 135 crunches. Some on the ball and some on the floor. I was so tired before and after I exercised. Usually working out makes me have more energy, but not this time. Weird.

What I ate:

Brunch:
- Ham egg and cheese english muffin

Snack:
- Handful of goldfish
- Trail mix
- Sunchips... I was on a snacking binge. And okay, I have to confess that the trail mix had m&ms in it. These snacks were over about a 2.5 hour period.

Dinner:
- Ham egg and cheese english muffin. 3 in 24 hours, are you impressed? They are sooooo good.

I'm going out tonight, so I'll be drinking beer. But light beer. And I think I'm going to eat some more food, bc I'm still hungry. Maybe a fiber one yogurt.

-Katie

Happy Spring!

Hi Kate,

Let me start off by saying that I love you and you are one of my best friends!!!! I am so sorry that you have been feeling bad lately. And you're right that it doesn't make sense-- you're going through a major body/ mental change, and it should leave you with positive feelings. I just don't know dude. I want you to be happy Kate again!

If anything, knowing your kicking my ass at this should make you feel better :)

A little rundown of my days since I last posted (Mon):

Tuesday: (color, YAY!)

I didn't work out at the gym, but I did go on a short, fast walk with the kids. Maybe 20 mins. And I ran twice. Once was uphill. And I mean a HUGE hill. 7 year old Margaret triple dog dared me to do it so I really had no choice. You can't really turn down a triple dog dare. She ran up it with me and had a hard time at the end. Yeah, she has short legs, so she can't run as fast, blah blah blah, but it was awesome that I beat her, bc she's so fit! haha I'm ridiculous. I also did 10 jump lunges. Those suck. Bad. As far as eating goes, I ate chocolate at the end of the day. So yeah, I ate a bad, but everything else I ate on Tues was good.

.. I'm an idiot. I did do bad stuff on Tues. Just forgot about it. Blame the green beer. Yep, I had a lot of beer. But the good news (okay, not really good news bc I had so much of it) is that the beer was a new low cal beer: 64 cal Miller Lite. I had a lot, and I also split some bar food with John. We got chicken tenders. I had one and a half and some fries. Bad, but I knew I was going to be eating bar food.

Wednesday:

I had, once again, girl scout cookies. I think I had 3. And no working out.

Today: .. this green hurts my eyes. ... .... Okay, this is better.

Breakfast:
-Fiber One apple streusel granola bar (Kate, you HAVE to try these. SOO good. And healthy!)
- banana

Snack:
- One piece of whole wheat bread with pbutter
- handful of goldfish

Lunch:
- Lean pocket
- pinapple
-and... five girl scout cookies. .. (Ugh. I need to remember this feeling of shame and remorse the next time I want to eat shit like this. Seriously.)

Pre Workout snack:
- Fiber one bar

Dinner:
- Ham egg and cheese english muffin, with low cal cheese, low cal, whole grain muffin and three thin slices of ham.
- low cal velvetta easy mac (180 cal and 3 g.of fat. don't buy this shit. it sucks)

And I worked out for 35 mins, uphill, faster than usual walking. It's late, but I'm going to do some crunches tonight. Let's say, 135, bc that's how much I want to weigh. Oh, speaking of, I'm still at 150. But that makes sense, bc I'm not doing enough to change it. I feel like I'm just scraping by. That one week really fucked me up. I got off of the plan (I refuse to say wagon, even if I do live in Ga) , and didn't get back on it the same way. It's like in school where you cram for the test and you're lucky if you make a high C. But you know that if you would've studied, you would have gotten an A. And you are working, going to school AND keeping up with the plan. That is so awesome. I think I'm going to need you to start calling me or something. That way, instead of just relying on the little voice in the back of my head (the one that hasn't been around for the past two weeks), I can rely on your voice on my phone.

Tomorrow is the first day of SPRING!

Keep doing GREAT, KATE!

-Katie

What is wrong with me?

Katie,

I had a total total breakdown in the gym today.  I went to sleep at like 2am but when I woke up I felt energetic so I went to the gym... did 15 minutes on the treadmill... stretched before the class.  Then during the class I just couldn't get it together.  I like couldn't coordinate my movements and felt really off.  Then I started to get dizzy.  It's cause I didn't have enough sleep.  So I basically felt like shit.  I think this is a new teacher... and she works you really hard... and this was my second class with her and both times people started leaving the class early cause they were dying.  So I was like ... fuck it I'm leaving.  So I put my step away... went to the bathroom and just totally broke down crying.  No real reason for crying...  other than I was disappointed in myself for not being able to make it through the class.  So.... I decided not to be a quitter and go back!  So I splashed some water on my face...  got my step back and did the best I could for the rest of the class.  By the time it was over I was having a really difficult time containing my tears.  I felt like in a daze.  I didn't know if I should hide in the bathroom stall or what but I ended up just sitting in the locker room like a weirdo for like 10 minutes trying not to let the tears stream down my face.  Then on the walk home I was like... I seriously cannot be the fucking crying white girl... and I was walking like I was in slooooooow moooootiooooon.  And people were looking at me weird.  And I know I wasn't being paranoid.  It could have been that I was walking so slow... or that I looked like I was going to cry... or kill someone... or the fact my face was like a purpley blue.  This has to be hormonal right?  

Food today:

Breakfast

Protein bar 140 cal

Lunch

2 veggie burgers on a pita (370 cal)

Snack

Orange

Banana

Yogurt (80 cal)

Dinner

Massaman Chicken from Fresh Direct (all it says is less than 500 cal)

Not going to the gym tomorrow... have to go to the elementary school.  But I've done my three days.  But I'm feeling bad about the fact that I think I've only been to the gym 4 days once since we started this thing.  So I'm going on Friday.  Since I changed my schedule with the observations at the school so I can go to the Tummy Tuck class I think Mon, Tue, Wed, Fri will work for me so thats what Ima do.  And I like going to the classes better than working out by myself.  It's obviously a much more intense workout.  When I was getting the orientation of the gym when I first signed up the dude was like "These women come only for the classes and it's no good cause you need to do some strength training also" and for some reason I acted like he was an all knowing being and listened to him.  But going to the classes work for me.  Theyre fun (when I don't have freak outs).  

I'm going to try and call you.  I haven't talked to you in two days.  Not liking that.

-Kate

My first sober St. Patrick's Day... maybe ever.

Kaaatie!

This morning I dragged myself out of bed for the Tummy Tuck class that I changed my observation schedule for.  The frickin teacher didn't show up.  So one of the managers had to come in and lead the class... so it was only like 30 minutes and wasn't intense at all.... she tried but she didn't know what she was doing.  So I stayed for the next class which she also led.  It was pretty fun.  But I wasn't feeling it as much as the other classes... cause I wasn't dying after...  and I would have stayed and did the treadmill but I had to go do homework so I stayed after and did 100 crunches.  You were right about the helper thing... it does help.  I'm going to do 100 crunches every gym time.  

But the funniest thing happened in the gym class.  We had those bar weight things...  so she tells us to like put it down standing up in front of us and use it as a balance and then we were supposed to like gyrate our hips and do these swat pulse things...  like basically have sex with the air while we're squatting.  And I was standing in front of a group of these Muslim women that come religiously (yay a pun!) and I just could NOT be humping and gyrating my ass in front of them.  I started peeeeeeeeeeeing my pants laughing.  But they were trying to do it.  It looked so awkward.  And there were some old ladies in the class that thought nothing of it.  And like everyone was just having sex with the air.  I so totally totally love this gym.

I love going to the gym in general.  The fact that I'm getting multicultural experiences there makes it so much more exciting to go to.... but I just love going anyway.  I have sooo much fun in the classes.  Like I don't want them to end!  And I'm having fun doing the dance moves during the classes.  And I don't dance!  Or... I can't dance.  But this is making me actually look like I COULD dance!  And I love dancing apparently!  

OMG... I'm getting choked up again.  Holy shit I'm sitting in the cafateria eating my lunch and now there are fucking tears in my eyes.  I hope this is hormone related because if not then I'm just totally crazy.  I've been depressed all day.  And I definitely should not be crying over the fact that I enjoy my gym classes so much.  Agh what the F is wrong with me.  I kind of feel like the gym is the only thing I have to look forward to.  I seriously don't go anywhere except the gym school and work.  And I guess the gym is the funnest out of the three.  Except when I get to play Rock Band at work.  It's depressing.  I'm depressed.  

Part of why I'm feeling really bad today is cause it's St. Patrick's Day and that bitch awful terrible friend that I told you about that just stopped talking to me... St. Patrick's Day was like our thing.  And not that I expected her to contact me to get together to go to the parade.... nor would I have responded...  but I am just sad that life turned out like this.  But it's all for the best... it always is.  And I should be marching but I'm not in a band cause I can't fucking find one that isn't for FDNY or NYPD or not in the bottom of Brooklyn so that makes me sad.  Also... it's my brother's birthday today and we're not speaking.  We haven't been since before Christmas.  So I'm feeling... I don't know... maybe guilty about not wishing him a happy birthday... even though I shouldn't feel guilty cause I'm not in the wrong, he is, but still.... he's my brother... and it's making me down.  

I felt so depressed that I tried to buy a bag of weed earlier...  turns out the guy in my building I was buying from got arrested over the weekend so he's not doing it anymore.  Good thing!  

Wow this is long.

What I ate today:

Breakfast - Protein bar 140 cal

Lunch - Pesto pasta salad, some grilled chicken and some chick peas and a yogurt (80 cal)

Dinner - Lean Cuisine 340

Raisins 130 calories worth

Wheat Thins Reduced Fat 160 calories worth

I'm depressed.   I wish I had weed.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I feel like shit.  Not physically...  mentally.  

Agh,

Kate

I eat too much.

Okay, here we go again. Starting over... (that reminds me of that episode of SATC when Charlotte buys that book Starting Over Yet Again.. hahaha)

Please let this not be just another Monday where I say, "This week is different," and then do nothing... pllllease. I did a whole lot of nothing all day. Went to the gym for about 20 mins. I wanted to stay longer, but I had to meet my aunt for dinner. It was a last min thing, so that's why I didn't just go earlier.

To make up for the short amount of time I worked out, I ran for 5 mins at speed 6. Usually when I run, I do like 5 or 5.5, so this was a big improvement. I was soooo sweaty, so I know I was doing good. I also ran uphill at the end for about a min or two. I left the gym feeling so great. I really need to remind myself of that feeling so that I'll always want to go.

If I type this, maybe it'll work: I'm going to get up early and work out. Wow, that sounds like such a joke. I literally heard ha-ha in my head after I typed that. Tomorrow I'm going out for St Pat's Day, so I'm probably going to have to eat shitty bar food, so I reallllly want to work out.

Here's what I ate today:

Lunch:
- 1/2 a salad with very little dressing
- small amount of hummus with a 50 cal flatbread
- 1/2 lean roast beef sandwich (about 250 cal)
- about 15 r.fat cheese-its

..wow that's a lot

Snack (shortly after lunch):
- a little less than 1/2 pint of lowfat ben & jerry's frozen yogurt (maybe 220 cal?)

Dinner:
- pork chop
- sweet potato with a little smart balance on it
- lima beans (yuuum)

and... a pack of mini oreos and one regular sized oreo. I'm a fucking sugar addict. What is wrong with me, Kate????! Oh and, shit I so forgot about this, a handful of trail mix. Wow, I really thought that I didn't eat that bad today, but I guess I did. Ugh. The good thing is that I ate dinner right after I worked out so my matabolism was still up.

Wish me luck on that getting up to work out thing....

-katie

Crying in Abs class

I woke up TOO early for the gym!  I set my first alarm for 7am (I set two... one like an hour before the second so that I wake up and can go "yessss I still have an hour til I actually have to get up"... and the second early enough that I can hit snooze three times)  and wasn't going to leave for the gym til 9 for a 9:15 class but ended up getting up at 8 and getting to the gym by 830 (ish).  So I did 10 minutes on the treadmill (would have done longer but the ladies were not kidding around with the sign up sheet for treadmill time) and then sat in the class and stretched.  The class was fun!  The class I did on Saturday was also fun.  What the fuck is this?  I can't believe I'm having fun at exercise class.  I love it.  Anyway...  it was fun.  the woman in front of me was like a cartoon of a little old lady...  she had to be 80.  And when we were doing cross punches I pretended that I was punching her in the mirror.  It made working out much more amusing hence easier to get through.  Then I decided not to bull shit around and half ass it.  I thought... how bad do you want this?  And the answer... pretty fucking desperately.  So I gave it my all.  Then I thought I was going to vomit.  Oh.. but like after I was giving it my everything I like got choked up.  It's not even like I wanted to cry.  It's like... uh oh you're about to cry.  You know what I mean?  Like I just got choked up all of a sudden.  It was so weird.  But I was using my aggression and my feelings and using it in the work out.  And turns out... it's not bull shit!  That shit really works!  

What did I eat today?

Before gym:

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Breakfast/First lunch

Lean Cuisin fettucini 260 (I think I have to check)

Lunch lunch

Veggie burger on a pita (300ish)

Snack

Yogurt - 90 cal

Wheat Thins 240 cal

Dinner

Healthy Request Chicken Noodle Soup - 240 cal.

I'll probably eat something before I go to bed.  Monday's are not good not-eating-late-wise... but the rest of the week I'm back to not eating after 9.  

And I'm not smoking weed this week.  I realize that...yes... I love weed... but this doesn't mean I have to smoke it everyday.  I feel so much shittier the day after smoking.  I'm glad that I did the cleanse and got it out of my system and proved to myself that I didn't have to smoke and wasn't smoking much the past few weeks and was actually able to see what a difference it made in the way I feel.  I feel soooooo much better not smoking weed.  And I eat soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (etc) much more when I'm smoking.  I'm kidding myself if I say the reason why I've gained a lot of the (not all of the) weight I've gained in the past few years because of smoking.  Especially when I was in Jersey....  oh God.  That Kate disgusts me.  So I like waking up refreshed and not tired and being able to breathe at the gym and wanting to do my school work and get things done.  It also makes me feel really antisocial.  Like I'm a much friendlier happy person when I didn't smoke the day or two before.  Cigarettes.....God.....  I was on the patch Friday-Sunday....  then when I came back from the gym I just got so depressed and it was Math day so I bought a pack.  I feel guilty... I do...  I'm thinking of ways I can justify it here haha.... but I can't.  I suck.  I know it.

Okay gym tomorrow (I changed the day I go to the elementary school so that I can go to the Tummy Tuck class!) 

Up early on my one Saturday off to go to the gym?

It's true!  I don't have work today (because the lady I babysit for got her boobs done and a tummy tuck even though she weighs like 100lbs soaking wet so the kids went away for weekend) and decided to get up early to have my own tummy tuck at the Tummy Tuck and Butt Lift class I've wanted to try since I joined the gym but never could cause of my schedule.  I loved it!  First of all the teacher is hot...  second it wasn't that strenuous (I spelled that right on the first try!), but it felt really good.  And I was almost the thinnest one in the class which is always fun.  And I got a "muy bueno" on my squats.  I loved doing that I'm going to do it on my own in the gym... I also saw them do it on the Biggest Loser (omg did you see horsefaceJillian get BITCHED OUT last week....it was great... ew she makes me sick... I want to punch her in her nose so that her fucked up nose job caves in).  You put one of those big balls behind your back up against a wall and then squat.  You really feel it in your thighs and abs and your butt if you squeeze.  And we worked our abs while dancing and I had so so so much fun dancing.  At first I thought I couldn't dance but I just stopped giving a fuck about what I looked like and that made dancing possible somehow.  Plus I loved the music... Don Omar... Shakira.  One song went, "I..am horny...all..day...long" over and over and over again and I was like peeing my pants laughing but the old Latina ladies didn't seem to know what was being said... or they just don't think someone saying that they're horny all day long in a little squeaky voice over techno music is hilarious.

Again... I'm writing to you via le toilet.  My stomach is fucked up majorly.  I munched out again last night.  Not a bad as the night before but still.  And I'm sure I'm still eliminating (Master Cleanse term... doesn't that make you giggle?) the fucking peanut butter.  That's why I dragged myself to the gym.  I had to be punished and knew I'd feel more good for going than I would feel bad for not going.  And now I feel great.  Except for the not being able to leave the toilet part.  At least I get wireless and can get things accomplished in here.  I'm going to try and do some other kind of exercise today... probably a long walk somewhere... since I only have one day left in the week to go to the gym that means I'll only have gone twice so if i do a long walk today and tomorrow it'll somewhat make up for it.  Then next week I'm back on my game for shizz.  I'll actually be able to get to the gym more cause I don't have that much math homework.  I love that math homework consumes 90% of my life.  It's great.  Okay I'm babbling cause I'm still here... on the toilet...  okay I'll write more later.

8:08pm:  I only recently learned the meaning of what a 'flake' was.  Like I sort of knew but guess I was off.  And I then realized that I kind of am one.  And that's something I want to better.  So I flaked on this guy tonight... not fully flaked just didn't follow up with a "what's the deal for tonight" text and decided to forgo gaining the calories from the beer and losing the money.  So I took a long walk to get dinner at a vegan place in Harlem (what?...huh?... no really it exists).  And I talked to my crazy cousin the whole way.  It was nice.  So that was at least another 200 calories burned.  I figured if I wasn't spending the money on beer I could spend it on a nice dinner.  I am so bored I don't have to be writing this.  I'll stop.  Oh wait what I ate today:

Breakfast: South Beach Protein bar 140 calories

Lunch: Organic Lasagna 310, orange

Snack: 2 Wassa fiber 70 cal, Nutragrain Bar I think 210

Feeling bad

So I'm having major remorse over the way I've been conducting my fitness routine this week.  Basically it's consisted of no exercise, way more food than normal, and worse kinds of foods.  I need to start listing what I'm eating everyday.  Seriously not writing it makes me feel less guilty about doing it because no one else knows.... but if someone else is gonna know then I'll feel too bad to eat it.  I mean I know the reason why I've been eating like shit is cause I've been smoking W and munching out.  I am finally understanding my relationship with weed.  I feel stuck in smoking it.  The past few days I've felt like I did when I was with M in Jersey... like total disgusting shit.  But now I know how to correct it and how to make myself feel GOOD so I'm going back to that.  I can't let two days of being bad let me down.

I put on the patch this morning.  I am so sick of smelling like cigarettes.  Ew.  

I feel really disgusting.  Every time I succeed a little I always blow it right away.  I really think I'm self sabotaging.  I can't let myself succeed with weight loss.  I'm so weird.  But I remember what it felt like to be so victorious last week and I want to continue to feel that way so I am going to get back on track.  

Haven't gone to the gym all week...  really I'm blaming my foot.  It's not even like just working out on the foot is bad but also I didn't want to walk to the gym it was so bad.  I'm off from work this weekend and am going to dedicate it all to feeling good, exercising and homeeeeeework.  Oh I NEED to go to Trader Joes...  I'lll do that tomorrow.  I'm gonna forget.  

Goals for next week:

-Continue with the patch

-Gym 4 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-No weed

-No eating after 9 (that did work out for me when I actually tried it...  you wake up more energized in the morning if you don't eat late)

-NO PEANUT BUTTER (the thought of it makes me ill anyway)

Ilovepeantutbutterwaywaytoomuch.com

Alright fine.  I'll write this down.  I'll document the fact I totally blew everything last night.  I'll document that I had bought the peanut butter yesterday afternoon and by bedtime it was gone.  I'll document the fact that I spent the hours of 9 to 12 consuming peanut butter.  I'll get in writing that now I'm sick as hell and want to throw up.  I feel like a little kid...  sick after eating too much peanut butter... who does this?  Okay fine... I'll also document the fact that after I ate all the peanut butter I didn't stop eating.  I'll admit to the two Rice Krispie treats and two Wassa crackers.  Whatev.  And I ate before the peanut butter...  a Smart Ones dinner (I purposely didn't buy an actual dinner because I knew I would consume a lot of the peanut butter) and some Wassas with cream cheese.  I THINK that's all I ate.  I feel like shiiiiiiit.  But it's a good thing.  Because a while back I just always felt like shit.  I munched out every night on chicken nuggest and fries and probably beer and chocolate and horrible horrible things and woke up feeling like shit everyday.  Now that I've been doing this with you I wake up feeling great so this one taste of feeling like shit is a good thing... does that make sense?  Because now I realize that I don't have to wake up feeling like shit and feeling like shit probably all day because of what I eat.  I realize that I do and can continue to feel awesome if I eat the right way and work out.  Minor set back.  Minor minor minor.  I'm off this weekend so I will for sure make up for all of this.  Omg I totally feel like I have to puke.  I bet peanut butter is really really not fun to bring back up.

I haven't worked out all week because of my foot.  Yesterday and the night before that my knee was also killing me.  Something slipped out of place and it was all swollen and looked like my knee cap was out of place.  So I was slightly freaking.  But while I was walking to class something clicked in my knee and hurt like a bitch and then felt way way better.  So now it's just my heel.  But that's feeling way better.  Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be good to go at the gym.  Good call with using the bikes... that never occurred to me.  But it wasn't even just hurting so much I couldn't work out... I couldn't have even walked to the gym.  I could barely walk to school and that's like less than a quarter mile away.  My body is also sore just from walking funny trying not to put weight on my heel (I think that's how my knee got fucked up).  I got Orthotics for my shoes and they're supposed to help and they seem to be.  I also ordered new sneakers because that's almost definitely how this was all brought on.  OMG I think I'm gonna puke.

By the way....  I am blogging from my toilet.  I don't care if that grosses you out.  I've been here since 9 and now it's 10:37.  Well I did take a trip downstairs to the office cause I got my lease extended for the summer.  YAYYYYYY!  I get to spend the summer in the city and not have to go to school.  And I don't have to pay for air conditioninggggggggggggggg!  

I need to detox today...  I think only fruits and vegetables.  Oh jeez this is bad.  I'm not buying the peanut butter for a long time.  

FAT

im still fat.


i ate sooo much sushi today. way too much. i even had fried spinach. but i had to.. part of my magazine job. but i ate bad before that too. i had 4 samoa girl scout cookies after lunch. baaaaaad.

oh and i had about 3 glasses of wine.

bad.

also, didnt work out today bc i thought i could go pay my traffic ticket around 1pm today, but nope.. i had to keep my 6pm court date. i didnt go before 1 bc i thought i could go around 5 or 6, but no.. waah waah waah. im sucking at this gym thing. but the good news is that im reading this book, jemima j., and its about this girl who loses a whole lotta weight and becomes this bombshell... and it makes me wanna be a gym rat. can i do it???

otherwise, my friend situation is really getting me down, and i think the photographer i work for doesnt trust my ability to assist with this wedding i have to shoot this weekend. it really sucks. ugh i feel like shit. .... more reason to hit the gym right?? im rambling.

goodnight!
-katie

ps your foot does not affect your ability to type

Have been doing the cabbage patch all weekend long

Okay I hate the fact I've not been posting.  This is like the first minute I'm sitting down in a lot of days.  Woke up really late today started math homework at 1 until 7:30 when I had class til 10 then came home and have been making a freakin collage (my SECOND of my graduate studies by the by) and now it's 11:15 and I haven't eaten dinner yet.... so this'll be quick.

I had my moment of zen on Friday.  Thought I would pick up a size 10 cause I knew I wasn't a 12 anymore... but decided to try an 8 first per chance I might be able to get a leg in them.  Well I did... and they had room in the waist.  So I was like... I'm having fun listening to the awesome mix of songs Old Navy had going and didn't mind wasting time standing on the 100 people in front of me line so I thought maybe I'll try a 6...so I did... and they fit... and my butt looks amazing.  And I don't even have a butt.  So that's a good thing.  I started crying.  No really.  I turned bright red as I do when I'm really really crying and couldn't stop until I got outside to call my grandma to tell her (I called you second only because I had to get on the subway and I wanted to take my time telling you...).  She said "Yahoo!" which she does when something is really really great and she's really really proud of you.  Then she said, "You have to come home so we can feed you."  I know she was kidding but...deep down I know she wasn't.  My family likes to sabotage people's diets.  I know they do.  They know they do.  We've talked about this before.  We're all bunches of fatties who like to keep the others fatties so we aren't the fatty of the family but rather we're a family of fatties.  Anyway... ALSO Friday...

I arrived to the lady I babysit for's apartment and she opens the door and goes, "You look so cute!"  I did look really cute that day.  I was wearing a rain coat I got for Christmas which at the time was pushing being too tight but now it is big even past the last belt loop.  I know.  Anyway... and I was wearing a hat to match.  I looked cute.  ANYWAY... then she immediately goes "You're half your size!" and I was like omg YES!  That was one of my goals to have her compliment the fact I was getting smaller.  YES!  I like scrunched up my nose like how you do when you're about to start crying but I tried sooo hard not to.  She goes, "Not that you needed to be or anything..."  and I was like "Shut up."  It felt so fucking good

Then Saturday I went to a play my friend directed and wore this KILLER dress.  I love this dress.  I wore it when I voted.  It is this A line herringbone with cap sleeves and a boat neck cuffed collar.  And it has a big belt across the waist and I pulled it as tight as it could go so my waist looked so tiny and my curves looked awesome and then I went to karaoke and every since all of my friends' friends that we hung out with that night have been calling me.  OMG I sound like such a fucking conceited bitch I hate myself ew.  I'm not trying to brag about any of this.  I'm just feeling victorious for the first time like ever.  

OH AND I GOT MY NOSE PIERCED!  

Haha you gave me that shirt!! 

Okay so the bad stuff...

My fucking foot hurts.  Here's what it looks like

Like there are blisters that look like rings in tree bark like that you look at to see how old it is.  And the whole thing is mad swollen.  It KILLS me when I put weight on it like KILLLLLS.  OMG you can totally see the hair on my man legs.  Don't look.  Anyway at least it was brought on by the fact I'm exercising.  But the only way to get rid of it is to not walk.  Um...  I can't do that.  Why couldn't this have been my hand or something I don't absolutely need to get exercise.  I'm not going to the gym tomorrow cause it's TUESDAY!  THE BEST DAY OF THE WEEK!  Tuesdays with Mr. K.  :-)  I love Tuesdays.  I'm going to wear my SIZE 6 JEANS!!!!!  

  

So much for this being quick.

Still Fat

Well, so much for only posting the bad things I ate. Today, I ate so much that I have to write it all bc the amount of food that I consumed (or, inhaled) equals bad eating. Here we go.

Breakfast / Lunch: (I ate all of this in the span of about an hour and a half, so I'm going to lump it all together)

- Bowl of Coco Krispies with skim milk
- Bowl of Cheerios w/ skim
- Two wasa crackers with hummus
- 1/2 pint of fat free lemon sorbet (220 calories, 45 grams of fucking sugar) Yes, I ate half of the pint. So fat.
- Lean Pocket

Dinner:
- BIG salad with about 2 tbls of Jason's Deli Italian dressing... it's not too bad as far as calories go. Nothing bad on the salad except for feta cheese, but it's the least harmful cheese you can put on a salad (learned that in my new book "Eat This, Not That" :)
- Three flatbread crackers, 60 cal each, with hummus.
- A small amount of chocolate mousee.

That's a lot of food. Ugh.

And I had a crap day at the gym. It seemed like every machine was out of commission, and when I finally did get on one it was sweaty and gross, so I moved. The next one had a broken tv. The tv's on the treadmills are my distraction, so I don't bring my ipod. When I got on one that was broken, my workout went on FOREVER. So I only did 20 mins and then walked uphill to Jason's Deli near my house. Doesn't sound like much, but I worked up a really good sweat. I will try not to count this as one of my gym days. I work all day Sat and Sun, so it's going to be sooo hard to have weekend gym time. I'll work out Wed-Fri.

Hope your foot is feeling better!!

-Katie

The Reformation (minus the head-hunting Henry)

So I have an idea. Maybe from now on, we keep everything the same but the details of the food. Instead of writing down everything we ate, we will just write if we ate anything bad that day. That way, we are still accountable and still have to fess up. I just think that writing all of it may be the reason we don't get around to the blog. We put it off bc we know it's going to be lengthy, and then the day is over and we didn't do it. Or maybe we were just lazy...

If you're okay with this, here's what I'm thinkin.. we can still put our weekly goals, whether or not we met them at the end o the week, daily workout details, and our general gripes and woes about the battle of the bulge. We'll just add the bad food thing. And how bad it was. If you want to just keep it the way it has been, I'm fine with that too. Just let me know!

Today, I worked out for the first time in ... too long. I think it was a week and a half. Today I did 50 mins on the treadmill and burned 450 cal. It felt great, but at the same time it made me feel like shit for not keeping it up. I weighed myself and I am at 151. That's not good, but in my defense, I just started my period, so maybe a couple of those pounds are due to that. If not, then it makes sense that I've only lost a pound or two-- I haven't worked hard enough fot it. Tomorrow I have to work at H&M (my once a week, every other week job) from 9-4 and I'm gonna work out sometime in the evening.

And Kate, I am so proud of you. I mean it. You have done such an amazing job and I can't believe your size 6 story. So great!!! But the "half your size" compliment was the best. Really. You should be so proud of yourself. This is something that a bazillion Americans can't overcome. There is a billion dollar industry of weight loss solutions (yeah, I just made that number up..), and YOU are doing it on your own. No Jenny, no meetings, no pills, no diets even!! Just eating better and exercising. And the best part for me is that you're really making me wish I was seeing results like you are. So, I'm just gonna have to get back in the state of mind that I was in the first week of this and stop eating chocolate and work out more.

Keep on kicking ass Kate!

-Katie