Crying in Abs class

I woke up TOO early for the gym!  I set my first alarm for 7am (I set two... one like an hour before the second so that I wake up and can go "yessss I still have an hour til I actually have to get up"... and the second early enough that I can hit snooze three times)  and wasn't going to leave for the gym til 9 for a 9:15 class but ended up getting up at 8 and getting to the gym by 830 (ish).  So I did 10 minutes on the treadmill (would have done longer but the ladies were not kidding around with the sign up sheet for treadmill time) and then sat in the class and stretched.  The class was fun!  The class I did on Saturday was also fun.  What the fuck is this?  I can't believe I'm having fun at exercise class.  I love it.  Anyway...  it was fun.  the woman in front of me was like a cartoon of a little old lady...  she had to be 80.  And when we were doing cross punches I pretended that I was punching her in the mirror.  It made working out much more amusing hence easier to get through.  Then I decided not to bull shit around and half ass it.  I thought... how bad do you want this?  And the answer... pretty fucking desperately.  So I gave it my all.  Then I thought I was going to vomit.  Oh.. but like after I was giving it my everything I like got choked up.  It's not even like I wanted to cry.  It's like... uh oh you're about to cry.  You know what I mean?  Like I just got choked up all of a sudden.  It was so weird.  But I was using my aggression and my feelings and using it in the work out.  And turns out... it's not bull shit!  That shit really works!  

What did I eat today?

Before gym:

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Breakfast/First lunch

Lean Cuisin fettucini 260 (I think I have to check)

Lunch lunch

Veggie burger on a pita (300ish)

Snack

Yogurt - 90 cal

Wheat Thins 240 cal

Dinner

Healthy Request Chicken Noodle Soup - 240 cal.

I'll probably eat something before I go to bed.  Monday's are not good not-eating-late-wise... but the rest of the week I'm back to not eating after 9.  

And I'm not smoking weed this week.  I realize that...yes... I love weed... but this doesn't mean I have to smoke it everyday.  I feel so much shittier the day after smoking.  I'm glad that I did the cleanse and got it out of my system and proved to myself that I didn't have to smoke and wasn't smoking much the past few weeks and was actually able to see what a difference it made in the way I feel.  I feel soooooo much better not smoking weed.  And I eat soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (etc) much more when I'm smoking.  I'm kidding myself if I say the reason why I've gained a lot of the (not all of the) weight I've gained in the past few years because of smoking.  Especially when I was in Jersey....  oh God.  That Kate disgusts me.  So I like waking up refreshed and not tired and being able to breathe at the gym and wanting to do my school work and get things done.  It also makes me feel really antisocial.  Like I'm a much friendlier happy person when I didn't smoke the day or two before.  Cigarettes.....God.....  I was on the patch Friday-Sunday....  then when I came back from the gym I just got so depressed and it was Math day so I bought a pack.  I feel guilty... I do...  I'm thinking of ways I can justify it here haha.... but I can't.  I suck.  I know it.

Okay gym tomorrow (I changed the day I go to the elementary school so that I can go to the Tummy Tuck class!)