Feeling bad

So I'm having major remorse over the way I've been conducting my fitness routine this week.  Basically it's consisted of no exercise, way more food than normal, and worse kinds of foods.  I need to start listing what I'm eating everyday.  Seriously not writing it makes me feel less guilty about doing it because no one else knows.... but if someone else is gonna know then I'll feel too bad to eat it.  I mean I know the reason why I've been eating like shit is cause I've been smoking W and munching out.  I am finally understanding my relationship with weed.  I feel stuck in smoking it.  The past few days I've felt like I did when I was with M in Jersey... like total disgusting shit.  But now I know how to correct it and how to make myself feel GOOD so I'm going back to that.  I can't let two days of being bad let me down.

I put on the patch this morning.  I am so sick of smelling like cigarettes.  Ew.  

I feel really disgusting.  Every time I succeed a little I always blow it right away.  I really think I'm self sabotaging.  I can't let myself succeed with weight loss.  I'm so weird.  But I remember what it felt like to be so victorious last week and I want to continue to feel that way so I am going to get back on track.  

Haven't gone to the gym all week...  really I'm blaming my foot.  It's not even like just working out on the foot is bad but also I didn't want to walk to the gym it was so bad.  I'm off from work this weekend and am going to dedicate it all to feeling good, exercising and homeeeeeework.  Oh I NEED to go to Trader Joes...  I'lll do that tomorrow.  I'm gonna forget.  

Goals for next week:

-Continue with the patch

-Gym 4 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-No weed

-No eating after 9 (that did work out for me when I actually tried it...  you wake up more energized in the morning if you don't eat late)

-NO PEANUT BUTTER (the thought of it makes me ill anyway)