This morning I dragged myself out of bed for the Tummy Tuck class that I changed my observation schedule for. The frickin teacher didn't show up. So one of the managers had to come in and lead the class... so it was only like 30 minutes and wasn't intense at all.... she tried but she didn't know what she was doing. So I stayed for the next class which she also led. It was pretty fun. But I wasn't feeling it as much as the other classes... cause I wasn't dying after... and I would have stayed and did the treadmill but I had to go do homework so I stayed after and did 100 crunches. You were right about the helper thing... it does help. I'm going to do 100 crunches every gym time.
But the funniest thing happened in the gym class. We had those bar weight things... so she tells us to like put it down standing up in front of us and use it as a balance and then we were supposed to like gyrate our hips and do these swat pulse things... like basically have sex with the air while we're squatting. And I was standing in front of a group of these Muslim women that come religiously (yay a pun!) and I just could NOT be humping and gyrating my ass in front of them. I started peeeeeeeeeeeing my pants laughing. But they were trying to do it. It looked so awkward. And there were some old ladies in the class that thought nothing of it. And like everyone was just having sex with the air. I so totally totally love this gym.
I love going to the gym in general. The fact that I'm getting multicultural experiences there makes it so much more exciting to go to.... but I just love going anyway. I have sooo much fun in the classes. Like I don't want them to end! And I'm having fun doing the dance moves during the classes. And I don't dance! Or... I can't dance. But this is making me actually look like I COULD dance! And I love dancing apparently!
OMG... I'm getting choked up again. Holy shit I'm sitting in the cafateria eating my lunch and now there are fucking tears in my eyes. I hope this is hormone related because if not then I'm just totally crazy. I've been depressed all day. And I definitely should not be crying over the fact that I enjoy my gym classes so much. Agh what the F is wrong with me. I kind of feel like the gym is the only thing I have to look forward to. I seriously don't go anywhere except the gym school and work. And I guess the gym is the funnest out of the three. Except when I get to play Rock Band at work. It's depressing. I'm depressed.
Part of why I'm feeling really bad today is cause it's St. Patrick's Day and that bitch awful terrible friend that I told you about that just stopped talking to me... St. Patrick's Day was like our thing. And not that I expected her to contact me to get together to go to the parade.... nor would I have responded... but I am just sad that life turned out like this. But it's all for the best... it always is. And I should be marching but I'm not in a band cause I can't fucking find one that isn't for FDNY or NYPD or not in the bottom of Brooklyn so that makes me sad. Also... it's my brother's birthday today and we're not speaking. We haven't been since before Christmas. So I'm feeling... I don't know... maybe guilty about not wishing him a happy birthday... even though I shouldn't feel guilty cause I'm not in the wrong, he is, but still.... he's my brother... and it's making me down.
I felt so depressed that I tried to buy a bag of weed earlier... turns out the guy in my building I was buying from got arrested over the weekend so he's not doing it anymore. Good thing!
Wow this is long.
What I ate today:
Breakfast - Protein bar 140 cal
Lunch - Pesto pasta salad, some grilled chicken and some chick peas and a yogurt (80 cal)
Dinner - Lean Cuisine 340
Raisins 130 calories worth
Wheat Thins Reduced Fat 160 calories worth
I'm depressed. I wish I had weed. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel like shit. Not physically... mentally.
Agh,
Kate
Not to sound too much like a mom, but sometimes we need people that aren't our mothers to "mom" us. I think you should do the birth control thing, and if doesn't work, see a counselor at your school. I did it for a while, and it was really nice. I was actually diagnosed at "mildly depressed" and was put on anti depressants. I took them for a few months, but I think talking to him worked far better than the drugs. He then moved to another school, so I had to stop seeing him. That sucked. Wow, do I sound like a mental patient?? Like maybe I should be in that book Running With Scissors?
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