I can't stand the commercials during Biggest Loser

Why do they ALWAYS cut right before the weight loss total?  EVERY time!  I hate it.  They are so going to cut Ron tonight I know it.  It's not fair!!!!!  

Went to the gym this morning.  Did a Tummy Tuck and Butt Lift class.  It was a new teacher.  At first I thought she sucked but I'm sore and I haven't been sore in a while so now I'm thinking she doesn't suck so much.  She also explained how to do a proper crunch.  Pick a spot on the ceiling to look at and then lift your head up towards that spot... not up towards your knees.  You'll for sure feel it more. 

I'm thinking I'm not doing enough at the gym.  I don't think an hour three days a week is enough.  I'm going to try and start doing two hours.  I am excited to come see you and all but like I almost can't be totally excited because I really want to be happy with what I look like.  And I'm not happy with myself right now.  And I'm not happy with the fact that I haven't even lost FIVE pounds since we started this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh God that makes me want to cry.  HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE??????  THREE LOUSY POUNDS???????  Ew that makes me feel so bad about myself.  I'm working hard... I could be working harder.  WHY AM I NOT LOSING WEIGHT????  I'm eating right... I'm exercising...  FUCK this is frustrating.

What did I eat today

Breakfast

South Beach bar 140 cal

(Nooooooooooo Ron gained three pounds!!!!!)

Lunch

Wheat Thins 116 cal

Amy's Organic Indian burrito thing 270 cal

Orange

Banana

Snack

Yogurt smoothie 70 cal

Carrots and low fat ranch dip 80 cal

Dinner

Two grilled chicken breasts

Mushroom barely risotto ala Fresh Direct

I'm depressed.  I feel like I've been giving myself too much credit for what I've been doing.  It obviously hasn't been that great if all I have to show for it is 3lbs.  And I'm still up one pound from when I finished the cleanse.  I feel like I talked this big game and I don't have anything to show for it.  I feel like when my family sees me in a week they're gonna be like "We thought you said you lost weight... you look the same to me."  Three fucking pounds.  That's some bull shit.

I will never teach math

It's true.  I won't.  My students would be better off not knowing any math.  Everyone would.  I hate Math Mondays.  But I love alliteration.  

Anyway...  went to the gym this morning (afternoon).  Did 23 minutes on the treadmill.  I was like wow the time is going by so fast...cause I thought I put it in for 35 minutes... then realized I put my age in when I should have put the minutes.  So I got off and worked my arms with dumbbells for a bit... and did 117 crunches (cause you do 135 cause thats what you want to weigh so I did 117 cause that's what I want to weigh...yeaaa riiiight).  Then I thought I would get back on the treadmill and do another 20 minutes....  so I got on and actually ran!  And I was like I'll run til the end of this song and then the song ended and I was like I could keep going... so I did for another minute.  So I ran for like almost 4 minutes.  Woohoo.  Then I walked a little more and then my calf started hurting like I pulled something so I got off.  I did my arms some more and did 100 more crunches.  Then I left.

What I ate

Breakfast

Special K w/skim

Lunch

Smart Ones 270 cal

Snack

Yogurt w/granola like 150 cal

Banana

Dinner

Lean Cuisine 370

Snack

Some Wheat Thins (I'm going to eat more I'll add)

I feel like I'm still sick.  I was feeling better yesterday but I feel like crap again.  Agh.

I miss the gym

I feel like crap.  Partly because I have a cold.  But mostly cause I haven't been to the gym in three days.  I feel fat.  And nasty.  And gross.  Ew.  I feel like whatever I've accomplished is going away already.  What a horrible feeling.  And I've been thinking that maybe I got sick cause I was like totally run down with everything so I have been eating a little more than I would.  And that's making me feel nasty.

What I ate today:

Breakfast

Special K w/skim

Lunch

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Bag of Smartfood Popcorn...  okay so it was a big bag... and I thought I would eat half then and half later but no... I ate the whole thing in one go.  400 fuckin calories.  Agh.

Snack

Granola bar stolen from my roommate 180 cal

Dinner

Agh... I ordered Chinese (even though what I got was really thai)

Pad thai w/shrimp (I hate shrimp but this was the only pad thai they had and I love love love pad thai but this was so fuckin nasty...  I only ate a little bit...I really wish I didn't get it... it wasn't worth the money... it was so gross I know I'm not going to eat it again and it's not worth even eating it again cause of the calories...agh)

2 spring rolls

What did I eat yesterday?  Oh God yesterday was a horrible day.  The class at the elementary school was horrible... like you wouldn't even believe what goes on there.  I walked out on the class because I said they were being too bad for me.  This little boy was like "No Ms. Katherine don't go I will miss you" God that makes me want to cry.  I also got in trouble for using the girls room that the students use.  This teacher was like "You can't use that bathroom because they might say oh she exposed herself to me." I was like come the fuck on.  It was embarrassing.  She lectured me for like a long time.  I fucking got it lady.  Agh.  And then I had to give a speech.  It was just not a good day.  Not that any of this has to do with what I ate...  okay what did I eat yesterday...

Breakfast

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Lunch

Fiber One bar 140 cal (best I could do cause I got stuck grading spelling tests)

Second Lunch

Salad with some veggies and pasta salad and one egg and way too much Ranch

Dinner

Smart Ones lasagna 290 cal

An orange

I think that's it

Whats worse is that I didn't do any kind of exercise at all today... not even walking like at all.  I walked like 10 minutes if that to the subway going to work and then took cabs everywhere else I went.  I even took a cab home from Chelsea Piers after dropping my kid off there.  A twenty freakin dollar cab ride.  My reason was three fold; 1. I felt really sick and tired 2. I was wearing a black dress with red tights and then realized that these are the colors of the Bloodz so I got really paranoid and didn't feel like I should be walking around Harlem like this 3. My feet are majorly blistery and I could barely walk and my shoes are apparently too big and were literally falling completely off my foot with every 5th step.  And I thought that since I wasn't going to spend money on eating and weed this week that the twenty bucks could go towards a cab instead of the bad stuff... even though I did spend money on food tonight.  Agh...  I can't let it bother me.  It's gone I did it it's over I'll survive.

I just saw my roommate and she's like "Oh we have a date tomorrow!" We're supposed to go to the 9:15 class but there's no way I'm going.  I just took a Nyquil which means I'm going to be hung over and this is my one day to sleep in.  I hope I actually sleep in and don't wake up at 9 like I have been doing on my other days to sleep in.  Wow is this making any sense?  Agh and I am even more pissed now about the money I spent on food and the cab cause I had to take off work tomorrow to go to that woman's house who's wedding I'm in to go over the fuckin Dominican choreographed dance I'm going to have to learn and perform at the wedding.  No... I'm NOT kidding.  

Ew I feel so fat. 

Wow I ate soo much today. I'm about to go work out, but I figured I'd list some of the millions of things I ate today. I'm shooting for five days of working out. Wed- Sun.

Breakfast:
- Fiber one bar

Snack:
- Sunchips
- P. butter toast

Lunch:
- Lean pocket
- R. fat cheese its
- Grapes
- m&ms (I did eat some, but not nearly as much as I did yesterday)

Can you believe that all of that was consumed before 5:00pm?? I seriously feel like I'm going to puke right now though. Thanks to the cheese its and m&ms. Ugh.

I'm staying at my aunt's to watch my cousins while she's out of town, and we are eating out tonight. I'll try to be good. Off to the gym :( I'll update later tater.

oh and one more thing..

Today I weighed myself and ... I weigh just under 150. Like barely under. But the good news is that I can go back down to the 100 level and I don't have to move the scale bar to the 150s. I'm gonna try reallllly hard to stay in the 100s damnit!

And I looked at where my number was on the scale and where I want to be (around 135) and the numbers seemed soooo far away from each other. Tomorrow I'm going to try to do something active in addition to going to the gym.

-Katie

Up hill battle

Okay I worked out today for 50 mins and burned 450 cal. When you do the hill program on these treadmills, you choose your incline level (from 1-20) and I usually do about 13 or 14. Today I did 20 and then went down to 18. It was crazzzzy. The incline would go from 9.0 to like 13, and back and forth. But I was working out hard. At one point I felt dizzy so I had to stop.

What I ate:

Breakfast:
- A big bag of sunchips (like 330 cal)

Lunch:
-Lean Pocket
- Grapes
- 2 girl scout cookies

and m&ms.

ugh.

Dinner:
- ham egg and cheese eng muffin
- r.fat cheese its
- chocolate 100 cal pudding + fiber

The m&ms were at the babysitting house in a jar, and I could not stop eating them. Seriously. It was baaaad.

Sorry this is so short. It's late and I'm tired. I hope you feel better soon. And that the farting stops.. that gas post was soooo funny at the end! I was laughing so hard.

Night night,
Katie

Sick and tired... literally

Katie,

I feel  crappy.  I'm not admitting that I'm sick yet... just feeling really under the weather.  I woke up really early for the gym and got dressed and everything and then googled, "Should you work out when you're sick" and the answer was no... it will probably make it worse.  And I have to give a speech in class tomorrow and go to the elementary school I couldn't take the chance.  I won't be able to work out tomorrow so I'm shooting for Friday and Saturday.  Agh my roommate still wants to go to the 9am class Saturday... so not looking forward to that.

So it's 12:16pm and I've done nothing except eat all day.  What I've had so far:

Special K with skim 180ish cal

Bagel with skim mozzarella 150 cal for the bagel and like 40 for the cheese

Progresso Chickarina 240 cal

I'm taking vitamins so I need to have a full stomach so they don't make me nauseous.  And I'm trying to get energy from wherever I can.  I'm going to have a Vitamin Water or Gatorade when I get to school...  those are so so so bad but I need the electrolytes.  

I don't know what the fuck is going on with my skin... I don't know if it's the diet or stress or cause I'm off the pill... but I'm all pimply and now I'm oily.  I never had a problem with pimples and definitely never had a problem with oil.  So weird... and annoying.

Agh I don't feel good.  I'm gonna lay down for another hour before I write my speech...  I'll add later.

9:25pm

Okay I'm sick.  Dammmmmmn it!  I have so much to do I can't be sick.  Aghhhh.  

Dinner

Turkey with lettuce tomato and a little mayo on pumpernickel roll

Bag on Baked Lays 140 cal

Yogurt w/granola like 200 cal

Oh yea and Gatorade 250 cal

OMG I can't stop sneezing.  I'm gonna google 'how to get over a cold fast'  Oh this is awful... and just when I was doing so well with the gym.  Gooooooodddd

Kate

Gassy gas

Dear Katie,

I'm tired and watching Biggest Loser.  I think I'm in love with Sione.  He's a babe.  So this is gonna be quick.

I think I'm getting a cold.  I've been feeling shitty since Sunday.  Agh I was already sick like a month ago.  It's the people in my classes...  they're always sick.  Teachers are always sick.  Damn you snot nose kids...  Just hoping I can still make it to the gym tomorrow.

Went to the gym yesterday...  did a Bar and Ball class although we didn't use a bar... or a ball...  I've realized that all the classes are more or less the same.  I went to the gym today... did Tummy Tuck... this class does actually focus on abs and butt.  I was actually not dying after the class and was going to stay for the next one but had to get homework done.

What I ate:

Breakfast

Fiber One bar 140 cal

Lunch

Whole wheat pita with 2 veggie burgers 370 cal

Snack

Fruit Salad

Dinner

Chicken curry wrap from cafeteria

I'm going to have a yogurt before I go to bed.  Agh I reaaaally hope I'm not all the way sick.  I've been overdosing on Airborne and Vitamins today.  I need to go out and get fruit  but I have no freakin time.  I am sooooooooooooooooooo gassy!  It is incredible!  I was DYING in my class tonight.  I felt like my stomach was going to pop.  OMG there's this guy I see in the computer lab every single day... I've seen him since I started grad school and we both basically live in the computer lab... and he's really cute and I always try and like catch his eye or smile or whatever... I think he's the shy type... anyway... yesterday I sat on the computer next to him and all of a sudden I smelled the worst fart I have ever smelled in my life.  Like I really thought I was going to die or throw up or both.  It was LETHAL.  And I was like, oh God!  He's going to think it was me!  Then today I sat next to him again... and AGAIN... ANOTHER LETHAL FART!  There is something wrong with him!  Okay just thought I'd share that.. now I'm going to finish Biggest Loser and fart til I fall asleep.

Love,

Kate

P.S. 56 days!

Lazy.

I figured I'd go ahead and get some of this post out of the way. Here's what I've eaten so far today:

- 2 eggs, sans yolk + low fat cheese
- 2 flatbread crackers and leftover hummus from my Jason's Deli meal last night (crackers are 50 cal each)
- Cheerios, no milk.

(how broke am I?..... Eggs, cereal with no milk, crackers..)

Oh and here's what I ate yesterday:

Brunch:
- Ham, egg & cheese english muffin (low fat cheese, muffin, no yolks)

Snack:
- About 5 baked lays

Dinner:
- Low fat lean roast beef sandwich (but it has a shit ton of sodium)
- a pack of blue tortilla chips & hummus
- 2 flatbread crackers
.. and like, two bites of yogurt.

I'll write more later!
YAY!!! You're coming!!!!

AHHH!!!


Update:

So I didn't work out today. I felt like poop for some reason. And I know if I wouldv'e worked out it would've made me feel better, but I just couldn't do it.

Dinner:
- Turkey sandwich from Jason's Deli
- Blue tortilla chips w/hummus

By the way, the people at Jason's Deli hook me up like whoa. So, yeah I'm broke (note today's lunch menu) but I get a meal for like $3. It's awesome.

YAY! !!! YOU'RE COMING TO ATL!!!

-Katie

Productive Sunday

Katie,

At least productive in the exercise sense.  I have so much homework I haven't even looked at it's not even funnnnny how much.  OMG my heart just started pounding so hard cause I'm freaking out about it.  Can that count as cardio?  Anyway.....I really got those calories burning today.  Went to the gym this morning... did 30 minutes on the treadmill (1 mile) and ran for 4 minutes.  Woohoo.  My goal for next week is run 5 minutes at least two days.  Then I did 5 minutes each on the inner and outter thigh machine.  Then I tried to do the bike... but apparently even on the lowest setting the seat is still too high for my legs to reach the pedals all the way.  I swear I have the shortest legs of anyone ever.  Then I did 3 sets of 10 reps of squatting with a medicine ball (pushing the 8lb ball out from my chest on the squat).  Then I did 100 crunches.  It was nice out today so I decided to walk to work (2.1 miles) and then got out earlier than I thought so decided to walk back (another 2.1 miles!)  So I walked over 5 miles today.  Woohoo.  Oh... and I got on the scale with my shoes (which I looked up online weigh only one pound) and it said 148.5 so that means I weigh 147.5...  but I'm gonna say I can subtract the .5 for my clothes and sweat so I'm down to 147.  Woohoo.  Well no woohoo.  I thought I would have lost like 10lbs by this point.  Grrr.  Frustrating.

What I ate:

Breakfast

-South Beach protein Cinnamon Raisin 140 cal

-Activia Light 70 cal

Lunch

-Grilled chicken with broccoli on a whole wheat pita

Dinner

-Amy's Organic Veg Lasagna 310 cal

Snack 

-Rice Krispie treat

-Some wheat thins reduced fat probably 100 cal worth

-Handful of raisins

My roommate wants to go to the gym with me.  This bothers me.  I know it shouldn't.  I know I'm weird.  But I just like going by myself.  It's like my thing.  And I have a routine going.  And I don't want to have to like watch someone else and worry about what they're doing.  I want the gym to be all mine.  But I got her a guest pass and she wants to go Saturday and freakin 9am.  Hopefully I'll be working early and won't be able to go with her.  I'm so messed up.  Maybe I don't have to go with her in order for her to use the guest pass.  

Again... thank you for all your kind words.  I would NOT have been able to be doing all this without you.  And I can't imagine my life without the gym right now.  I would be even more miserable than I already am.  Oh my God I can't even imagine how miserable I would be.  And I'd be fat(ter) and tired all the time.  Ew. I feel like you really understand me on all levels which is cool because nothing about me make any sense... ever.  So... thank you thank you thank you.  I was also considered mildly depressed and put on meds like my senior year of college.  They made me feel way way worse and it was a real low point.  The thing is... since breaking up with M and moving to Harlem I have been the happiest I've been in a long long long time maybe since high school (not including London cause... heeello.)  Like up until two weeks ago I was smiling everywhere I went and felt really satisfied with life.  I felt happy for the first time in a really long time.  I don't know what happened since then.  The thing is... NOTHING'S happened.  There's really no reason for it.  I'm really hoping it's my hormones.  I'm bloated and gassy and really feel like I am having a period and not bleeding.  When I've gone to doctors about it in the past they always had told me to start exercising and that could bring on and regulate my period but I never did.  So I thought since now I'm getting in shape it would be brought on.  I have tried EVERYTHING to bring it on... you wouldn't even believe what I've tried and I'm not even sure I would tell you or anyone else.  Now of course you're going to ask me and I'm going to have to tell you.  Dammit... I should just delete all that.  But I won't.  Because this is a 100% honest place.  Shit.  Anyway I'm going to the gyno during spring break.  I'll talk to him about it (by the way... my gyno is HOT!  Isn't that fucked up?  I looooove going!)  I didn't want to go on the pill if I'm not sexually active but if I have to... I will.  I can't take this anymore.  It can't be situational because you don't break down crying in the middle of the gym... and when the security guard at your school asks to see your ID when you just went on for a minute and see her every single day... like that doesn't make sense.  Nothing has changed within the past few weeks.  Although I did go out a few weekends with my Fairy peeps... and haven't in like two weeks... so having no trace of a social life can't be helping.  I'm trying to remedy that but I mean... New York is the hardest place to make friends and I'm like the oldest person in my dorm and the youngest person in all my classes and at work I only see 8 and 4 year olds so... it's rough.

So the reason I said we should go on a trip in the winter is because I was planning on going somewhere for Memorial Day and am currently raising the funds.  Some place I'd be wearing a bathing suit... which will hopefully be a bikini...maybe at a lake house...some Confederate flags...people saying ya'll.....maybe a peach or two.....................................................................................

:-)

Kate

Blah

Really short one here...

Went to gym this morning.  30 min class (still problems with the teachers... apparently theyre all quitting cause no one is getting personal trainers cause of the recession) and then 30 minutes on treadmill.  Burned 185 calories on it.  RAN for four minutes (wanted to do 5 but was kicked off by the lady with the next time slot)

What I ate:

Breakfast

-Special K and skim milk

-Activia Light 70 cal

-Small Iced coffee skim milk one sugar

Lunch

-Pita with two veggie burgers 370

Snack

-Bag of baked potato chips 100 cal

Dinner

Half can of organic chili (mad gross) 250 cal

1 Wassa fiber cracker 35 cal

Snacks

Wheat things reduced fat probably 160 cal worth

Raisins

Yogurt with too much granola... probably 280 cal all together

Shooting for gym tomorrow... that would make it my FIFTH this week...  woohoo!

Tired

Kate,

Today I worked out on the treadmill for 45 mins and burned 280 cal. I also did 135 crunches. Some on the ball and some on the floor. I was so tired before and after I exercised. Usually working out makes me have more energy, but not this time. Weird.

What I ate:

Brunch:
- Ham egg and cheese english muffin

Snack:
- Handful of goldfish
- Trail mix
- Sunchips... I was on a snacking binge. And okay, I have to confess that the trail mix had m&ms in it. These snacks were over about a 2.5 hour period.

Dinner:
- Ham egg and cheese english muffin. 3 in 24 hours, are you impressed? They are sooooo good.

I'm going out tonight, so I'll be drinking beer. But light beer. And I think I'm going to eat some more food, bc I'm still hungry. Maybe a fiber one yogurt.

-Katie

Happy Spring!

Hi Kate,

Let me start off by saying that I love you and you are one of my best friends!!!! I am so sorry that you have been feeling bad lately. And you're right that it doesn't make sense-- you're going through a major body/ mental change, and it should leave you with positive feelings. I just don't know dude. I want you to be happy Kate again!

If anything, knowing your kicking my ass at this should make you feel better :)

A little rundown of my days since I last posted (Mon):

Tuesday: (color, YAY!)

I didn't work out at the gym, but I did go on a short, fast walk with the kids. Maybe 20 mins. And I ran twice. Once was uphill. And I mean a HUGE hill. 7 year old Margaret triple dog dared me to do it so I really had no choice. You can't really turn down a triple dog dare. She ran up it with me and had a hard time at the end. Yeah, she has short legs, so she can't run as fast, blah blah blah, but it was awesome that I beat her, bc she's so fit! haha I'm ridiculous. I also did 10 jump lunges. Those suck. Bad. As far as eating goes, I ate chocolate at the end of the day. So yeah, I ate a bad, but everything else I ate on Tues was good.

.. I'm an idiot. I did do bad stuff on Tues. Just forgot about it. Blame the green beer. Yep, I had a lot of beer. But the good news (okay, not really good news bc I had so much of it) is that the beer was a new low cal beer: 64 cal Miller Lite. I had a lot, and I also split some bar food with John. We got chicken tenders. I had one and a half and some fries. Bad, but I knew I was going to be eating bar food.

Wednesday:

I had, once again, girl scout cookies. I think I had 3. And no working out.

Today: .. this green hurts my eyes. ... .... Okay, this is better.

Breakfast:
-Fiber One apple streusel granola bar (Kate, you HAVE to try these. SOO good. And healthy!)
- banana

Snack:
- One piece of whole wheat bread with pbutter
- handful of goldfish

Lunch:
- Lean pocket
- pinapple
-and... five girl scout cookies. .. (Ugh. I need to remember this feeling of shame and remorse the next time I want to eat shit like this. Seriously.)

Pre Workout snack:
- Fiber one bar

Dinner:
- Ham egg and cheese english muffin, with low cal cheese, low cal, whole grain muffin and three thin slices of ham.
- low cal velvetta easy mac (180 cal and 3 g.of fat. don't buy this shit. it sucks)

And I worked out for 35 mins, uphill, faster than usual walking. It's late, but I'm going to do some crunches tonight. Let's say, 135, bc that's how much I want to weigh. Oh, speaking of, I'm still at 150. But that makes sense, bc I'm not doing enough to change it. I feel like I'm just scraping by. That one week really fucked me up. I got off of the plan (I refuse to say wagon, even if I do live in Ga) , and didn't get back on it the same way. It's like in school where you cram for the test and you're lucky if you make a high C. But you know that if you would've studied, you would have gotten an A. And you are working, going to school AND keeping up with the plan. That is so awesome. I think I'm going to need you to start calling me or something. That way, instead of just relying on the little voice in the back of my head (the one that hasn't been around for the past two weeks), I can rely on your voice on my phone.

Tomorrow is the first day of SPRING!

Keep doing GREAT, KATE!

-Katie

What is wrong with me?

Katie,

I had a total total breakdown in the gym today.  I went to sleep at like 2am but when I woke up I felt energetic so I went to the gym... did 15 minutes on the treadmill... stretched before the class.  Then during the class I just couldn't get it together.  I like couldn't coordinate my movements and felt really off.  Then I started to get dizzy.  It's cause I didn't have enough sleep.  So I basically felt like shit.  I think this is a new teacher... and she works you really hard... and this was my second class with her and both times people started leaving the class early cause they were dying.  So I was like ... fuck it I'm leaving.  So I put my step away... went to the bathroom and just totally broke down crying.  No real reason for crying...  other than I was disappointed in myself for not being able to make it through the class.  So.... I decided not to be a quitter and go back!  So I splashed some water on my face...  got my step back and did the best I could for the rest of the class.  By the time it was over I was having a really difficult time containing my tears.  I felt like in a daze.  I didn't know if I should hide in the bathroom stall or what but I ended up just sitting in the locker room like a weirdo for like 10 minutes trying not to let the tears stream down my face.  Then on the walk home I was like... I seriously cannot be the fucking crying white girl... and I was walking like I was in slooooooow moooootiooooon.  And people were looking at me weird.  And I know I wasn't being paranoid.  It could have been that I was walking so slow... or that I looked like I was going to cry... or kill someone... or the fact my face was like a purpley blue.  This has to be hormonal right?  

Food today:

Breakfast

Protein bar 140 cal

Lunch

2 veggie burgers on a pita (370 cal)

Snack

Orange

Banana

Yogurt (80 cal)

Dinner

Massaman Chicken from Fresh Direct (all it says is less than 500 cal)

Not going to the gym tomorrow... have to go to the elementary school.  But I've done my three days.  But I'm feeling bad about the fact that I think I've only been to the gym 4 days once since we started this thing.  So I'm going on Friday.  Since I changed my schedule with the observations at the school so I can go to the Tummy Tuck class I think Mon, Tue, Wed, Fri will work for me so thats what Ima do.  And I like going to the classes better than working out by myself.  It's obviously a much more intense workout.  When I was getting the orientation of the gym when I first signed up the dude was like "These women come only for the classes and it's no good cause you need to do some strength training also" and for some reason I acted like he was an all knowing being and listened to him.  But going to the classes work for me.  Theyre fun (when I don't have freak outs).  

I'm going to try and call you.  I haven't talked to you in two days.  Not liking that.

-Kate

My first sober St. Patrick's Day... maybe ever.

Kaaatie!

This morning I dragged myself out of bed for the Tummy Tuck class that I changed my observation schedule for.  The frickin teacher didn't show up.  So one of the managers had to come in and lead the class... so it was only like 30 minutes and wasn't intense at all.... she tried but she didn't know what she was doing.  So I stayed for the next class which she also led.  It was pretty fun.  But I wasn't feeling it as much as the other classes... cause I wasn't dying after...  and I would have stayed and did the treadmill but I had to go do homework so I stayed after and did 100 crunches.  You were right about the helper thing... it does help.  I'm going to do 100 crunches every gym time.  

But the funniest thing happened in the gym class.  We had those bar weight things...  so she tells us to like put it down standing up in front of us and use it as a balance and then we were supposed to like gyrate our hips and do these swat pulse things...  like basically have sex with the air while we're squatting.  And I was standing in front of a group of these Muslim women that come religiously (yay a pun!) and I just could NOT be humping and gyrating my ass in front of them.  I started peeeeeeeeeeeing my pants laughing.  But they were trying to do it.  It looked so awkward.  And there were some old ladies in the class that thought nothing of it.  And like everyone was just having sex with the air.  I so totally totally love this gym.

I love going to the gym in general.  The fact that I'm getting multicultural experiences there makes it so much more exciting to go to.... but I just love going anyway.  I have sooo much fun in the classes.  Like I don't want them to end!  And I'm having fun doing the dance moves during the classes.  And I don't dance!  Or... I can't dance.  But this is making me actually look like I COULD dance!  And I love dancing apparently!  

OMG... I'm getting choked up again.  Holy shit I'm sitting in the cafateria eating my lunch and now there are fucking tears in my eyes.  I hope this is hormone related because if not then I'm just totally crazy.  I've been depressed all day.  And I definitely should not be crying over the fact that I enjoy my gym classes so much.  Agh what the F is wrong with me.  I kind of feel like the gym is the only thing I have to look forward to.  I seriously don't go anywhere except the gym school and work.  And I guess the gym is the funnest out of the three.  Except when I get to play Rock Band at work.  It's depressing.  I'm depressed.  

Part of why I'm feeling really bad today is cause it's St. Patrick's Day and that bitch awful terrible friend that I told you about that just stopped talking to me... St. Patrick's Day was like our thing.  And not that I expected her to contact me to get together to go to the parade.... nor would I have responded...  but I am just sad that life turned out like this.  But it's all for the best... it always is.  And I should be marching but I'm not in a band cause I can't fucking find one that isn't for FDNY or NYPD or not in the bottom of Brooklyn so that makes me sad.  Also... it's my brother's birthday today and we're not speaking.  We haven't been since before Christmas.  So I'm feeling... I don't know... maybe guilty about not wishing him a happy birthday... even though I shouldn't feel guilty cause I'm not in the wrong, he is, but still.... he's my brother... and it's making me down.  

I felt so depressed that I tried to buy a bag of weed earlier...  turns out the guy in my building I was buying from got arrested over the weekend so he's not doing it anymore.  Good thing!  

Wow this is long.

What I ate today:

Breakfast - Protein bar 140 cal

Lunch - Pesto pasta salad, some grilled chicken and some chick peas and a yogurt (80 cal)

Dinner - Lean Cuisine 340

Raisins 130 calories worth

Wheat Thins Reduced Fat 160 calories worth

I'm depressed.   I wish I had weed.  I don't know what to do with myself.  I feel like shit.  Not physically...  mentally.  

Agh,

Kate

I eat too much.

Okay, here we go again. Starting over... (that reminds me of that episode of SATC when Charlotte buys that book Starting Over Yet Again.. hahaha)

Please let this not be just another Monday where I say, "This week is different," and then do nothing... pllllease. I did a whole lot of nothing all day. Went to the gym for about 20 mins. I wanted to stay longer, but I had to meet my aunt for dinner. It was a last min thing, so that's why I didn't just go earlier.

To make up for the short amount of time I worked out, I ran for 5 mins at speed 6. Usually when I run, I do like 5 or 5.5, so this was a big improvement. I was soooo sweaty, so I know I was doing good. I also ran uphill at the end for about a min or two. I left the gym feeling so great. I really need to remind myself of that feeling so that I'll always want to go.

If I type this, maybe it'll work: I'm going to get up early and work out. Wow, that sounds like such a joke. I literally heard ha-ha in my head after I typed that. Tomorrow I'm going out for St Pat's Day, so I'm probably going to have to eat shitty bar food, so I reallllly want to work out.

Here's what I ate today:

Lunch:
- 1/2 a salad with very little dressing
- small amount of hummus with a 50 cal flatbread
- 1/2 lean roast beef sandwich (about 250 cal)
- about 15 r.fat cheese-its

..wow that's a lot

Snack (shortly after lunch):
- a little less than 1/2 pint of lowfat ben & jerry's frozen yogurt (maybe 220 cal?)

Dinner:
- pork chop
- sweet potato with a little smart balance on it
- lima beans (yuuum)

and... a pack of mini oreos and one regular sized oreo. I'm a fucking sugar addict. What is wrong with me, Kate????! Oh and, shit I so forgot about this, a handful of trail mix. Wow, I really thought that I didn't eat that bad today, but I guess I did. Ugh. The good thing is that I ate dinner right after I worked out so my matabolism was still up.

Wish me luck on that getting up to work out thing....

-katie

Crying in Abs class

I woke up TOO early for the gym!  I set my first alarm for 7am (I set two... one like an hour before the second so that I wake up and can go "yessss I still have an hour til I actually have to get up"... and the second early enough that I can hit snooze three times)  and wasn't going to leave for the gym til 9 for a 9:15 class but ended up getting up at 8 and getting to the gym by 830 (ish).  So I did 10 minutes on the treadmill (would have done longer but the ladies were not kidding around with the sign up sheet for treadmill time) and then sat in the class and stretched.  The class was fun!  The class I did on Saturday was also fun.  What the fuck is this?  I can't believe I'm having fun at exercise class.  I love it.  Anyway...  it was fun.  the woman in front of me was like a cartoon of a little old lady...  she had to be 80.  And when we were doing cross punches I pretended that I was punching her in the mirror.  It made working out much more amusing hence easier to get through.  Then I decided not to bull shit around and half ass it.  I thought... how bad do you want this?  And the answer... pretty fucking desperately.  So I gave it my all.  Then I thought I was going to vomit.  Oh.. but like after I was giving it my everything I like got choked up.  It's not even like I wanted to cry.  It's like... uh oh you're about to cry.  You know what I mean?  Like I just got choked up all of a sudden.  It was so weird.  But I was using my aggression and my feelings and using it in the work out.  And turns out... it's not bull shit!  That shit really works!  

What did I eat today?

Before gym:

South Beach protein bar 140 cal

Breakfast/First lunch

Lean Cuisin fettucini 260 (I think I have to check)

Lunch lunch

Veggie burger on a pita (300ish)

Snack

Yogurt - 90 cal

Wheat Thins 240 cal

Dinner

Healthy Request Chicken Noodle Soup - 240 cal.

I'll probably eat something before I go to bed.  Monday's are not good not-eating-late-wise... but the rest of the week I'm back to not eating after 9.  

And I'm not smoking weed this week.  I realize that...yes... I love weed... but this doesn't mean I have to smoke it everyday.  I feel so much shittier the day after smoking.  I'm glad that I did the cleanse and got it out of my system and proved to myself that I didn't have to smoke and wasn't smoking much the past few weeks and was actually able to see what a difference it made in the way I feel.  I feel soooooo much better not smoking weed.  And I eat soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (etc) much more when I'm smoking.  I'm kidding myself if I say the reason why I've gained a lot of the (not all of the) weight I've gained in the past few years because of smoking.  Especially when I was in Jersey....  oh God.  That Kate disgusts me.  So I like waking up refreshed and not tired and being able to breathe at the gym and wanting to do my school work and get things done.  It also makes me feel really antisocial.  Like I'm a much friendlier happy person when I didn't smoke the day or two before.  Cigarettes.....God.....  I was on the patch Friday-Sunday....  then when I came back from the gym I just got so depressed and it was Math day so I bought a pack.  I feel guilty... I do...  I'm thinking of ways I can justify it here haha.... but I can't.  I suck.  I know it.

Okay gym tomorrow (I changed the day I go to the elementary school so that I can go to the Tummy Tuck class!) 

Up early on my one Saturday off to go to the gym?

It's true!  I don't have work today (because the lady I babysit for got her boobs done and a tummy tuck even though she weighs like 100lbs soaking wet so the kids went away for weekend) and decided to get up early to have my own tummy tuck at the Tummy Tuck and Butt Lift class I've wanted to try since I joined the gym but never could cause of my schedule.  I loved it!  First of all the teacher is hot...  second it wasn't that strenuous (I spelled that right on the first try!), but it felt really good.  And I was almost the thinnest one in the class which is always fun.  And I got a "muy bueno" on my squats.  I loved doing that I'm going to do it on my own in the gym... I also saw them do it on the Biggest Loser (omg did you see horsefaceJillian get BITCHED OUT last week....it was great... ew she makes me sick... I want to punch her in her nose so that her fucked up nose job caves in).  You put one of those big balls behind your back up against a wall and then squat.  You really feel it in your thighs and abs and your butt if you squeeze.  And we worked our abs while dancing and I had so so so much fun dancing.  At first I thought I couldn't dance but I just stopped giving a fuck about what I looked like and that made dancing possible somehow.  Plus I loved the music... Don Omar... Shakira.  One song went, "I..am horny...all..day...long" over and over and over again and I was like peeing my pants laughing but the old Latina ladies didn't seem to know what was being said... or they just don't think someone saying that they're horny all day long in a little squeaky voice over techno music is hilarious.

Again... I'm writing to you via le toilet.  My stomach is fucked up majorly.  I munched out again last night.  Not a bad as the night before but still.  And I'm sure I'm still eliminating (Master Cleanse term... doesn't that make you giggle?) the fucking peanut butter.  That's why I dragged myself to the gym.  I had to be punished and knew I'd feel more good for going than I would feel bad for not going.  And now I feel great.  Except for the not being able to leave the toilet part.  At least I get wireless and can get things accomplished in here.  I'm going to try and do some other kind of exercise today... probably a long walk somewhere... since I only have one day left in the week to go to the gym that means I'll only have gone twice so if i do a long walk today and tomorrow it'll somewhat make up for it.  Then next week I'm back on my game for shizz.  I'll actually be able to get to the gym more cause I don't have that much math homework.  I love that math homework consumes 90% of my life.  It's great.  Okay I'm babbling cause I'm still here... on the toilet...  okay I'll write more later.

8:08pm:  I only recently learned the meaning of what a 'flake' was.  Like I sort of knew but guess I was off.  And I then realized that I kind of am one.  And that's something I want to better.  So I flaked on this guy tonight... not fully flaked just didn't follow up with a "what's the deal for tonight" text and decided to forgo gaining the calories from the beer and losing the money.  So I took a long walk to get dinner at a vegan place in Harlem (what?...huh?... no really it exists).  And I talked to my crazy cousin the whole way.  It was nice.  So that was at least another 200 calories burned.  I figured if I wasn't spending the money on beer I could spend it on a nice dinner.  I am so bored I don't have to be writing this.  I'll stop.  Oh wait what I ate today:

Breakfast: South Beach Protein bar 140 calories

Lunch: Organic Lasagna 310, orange

Snack: 2 Wassa fiber 70 cal, Nutragrain Bar I think 210

Feeling bad

So I'm having major remorse over the way I've been conducting my fitness routine this week.  Basically it's consisted of no exercise, way more food than normal, and worse kinds of foods.  I need to start listing what I'm eating everyday.  Seriously not writing it makes me feel less guilty about doing it because no one else knows.... but if someone else is gonna know then I'll feel too bad to eat it.  I mean I know the reason why I've been eating like shit is cause I've been smoking W and munching out.  I am finally understanding my relationship with weed.  I feel stuck in smoking it.  The past few days I've felt like I did when I was with M in Jersey... like total disgusting shit.  But now I know how to correct it and how to make myself feel GOOD so I'm going back to that.  I can't let two days of being bad let me down.

I put on the patch this morning.  I am so sick of smelling like cigarettes.  Ew.  

I feel really disgusting.  Every time I succeed a little I always blow it right away.  I really think I'm self sabotaging.  I can't let myself succeed with weight loss.  I'm so weird.  But I remember what it felt like to be so victorious last week and I want to continue to feel that way so I am going to get back on track.  

Haven't gone to the gym all week...  really I'm blaming my foot.  It's not even like just working out on the foot is bad but also I didn't want to walk to the gym it was so bad.  I'm off from work this weekend and am going to dedicate it all to feeling good, exercising and homeeeeeework.  Oh I NEED to go to Trader Joes...  I'lll do that tomorrow.  I'm gonna forget.  

Goals for next week:

-Continue with the patch

-Gym 4 times!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-No weed

-No eating after 9 (that did work out for me when I actually tried it...  you wake up more energized in the morning if you don't eat late)

-NO PEANUT BUTTER (the thought of it makes me ill anyway)

Ilovepeantutbutterwaywaytoomuch.com

Alright fine.  I'll write this down.  I'll document the fact I totally blew everything last night.  I'll document that I had bought the peanut butter yesterday afternoon and by bedtime it was gone.  I'll document the fact that I spent the hours of 9 to 12 consuming peanut butter.  I'll get in writing that now I'm sick as hell and want to throw up.  I feel like a little kid...  sick after eating too much peanut butter... who does this?  Okay fine... I'll also document the fact that after I ate all the peanut butter I didn't stop eating.  I'll admit to the two Rice Krispie treats and two Wassa crackers.  Whatev.  And I ate before the peanut butter...  a Smart Ones dinner (I purposely didn't buy an actual dinner because I knew I would consume a lot of the peanut butter) and some Wassas with cream cheese.  I THINK that's all I ate.  I feel like shiiiiiiit.  But it's a good thing.  Because a while back I just always felt like shit.  I munched out every night on chicken nuggest and fries and probably beer and chocolate and horrible horrible things and woke up feeling like shit everyday.  Now that I've been doing this with you I wake up feeling great so this one taste of feeling like shit is a good thing... does that make sense?  Because now I realize that I don't have to wake up feeling like shit and feeling like shit probably all day because of what I eat.  I realize that I do and can continue to feel awesome if I eat the right way and work out.  Minor set back.  Minor minor minor.  I'm off this weekend so I will for sure make up for all of this.  Omg I totally feel like I have to puke.  I bet peanut butter is really really not fun to bring back up.

I haven't worked out all week because of my foot.  Yesterday and the night before that my knee was also killing me.  Something slipped out of place and it was all swollen and looked like my knee cap was out of place.  So I was slightly freaking.  But while I was walking to class something clicked in my knee and hurt like a bitch and then felt way way better.  So now it's just my heel.  But that's feeling way better.  Hopefully by tomorrow I'll be good to go at the gym.  Good call with using the bikes... that never occurred to me.  But it wasn't even just hurting so much I couldn't work out... I couldn't have even walked to the gym.  I could barely walk to school and that's like less than a quarter mile away.  My body is also sore just from walking funny trying not to put weight on my heel (I think that's how my knee got fucked up).  I got Orthotics for my shoes and they're supposed to help and they seem to be.  I also ordered new sneakers because that's almost definitely how this was all brought on.  OMG I think I'm gonna puke.

By the way....  I am blogging from my toilet.  I don't care if that grosses you out.  I've been here since 9 and now it's 10:37.  Well I did take a trip downstairs to the office cause I got my lease extended for the summer.  YAYYYYYY!  I get to spend the summer in the city and not have to go to school.  And I don't have to pay for air conditioninggggggggggggggg!  

I need to detox today...  I think only fruits and vegetables.  Oh jeez this is bad.  I'm not buying the peanut butter for a long time.  

FAT

im still fat.


i ate sooo much sushi today. way too much. i even had fried spinach. but i had to.. part of my magazine job. but i ate bad before that too. i had 4 samoa girl scout cookies after lunch. baaaaaad.

oh and i had about 3 glasses of wine.

bad.

also, didnt work out today bc i thought i could go pay my traffic ticket around 1pm today, but nope.. i had to keep my 6pm court date. i didnt go before 1 bc i thought i could go around 5 or 6, but no.. waah waah waah. im sucking at this gym thing. but the good news is that im reading this book, jemima j., and its about this girl who loses a whole lotta weight and becomes this bombshell... and it makes me wanna be a gym rat. can i do it???

otherwise, my friend situation is really getting me down, and i think the photographer i work for doesnt trust my ability to assist with this wedding i have to shoot this weekend. it really sucks. ugh i feel like shit. .... more reason to hit the gym right?? im rambling.

goodnight!
-katie

ps your foot does not affect your ability to type

Have been doing the cabbage patch all weekend long

Okay I hate the fact I've not been posting.  This is like the first minute I'm sitting down in a lot of days.  Woke up really late today started math homework at 1 until 7:30 when I had class til 10 then came home and have been making a freakin collage (my SECOND of my graduate studies by the by) and now it's 11:15 and I haven't eaten dinner yet.... so this'll be quick.

I had my moment of zen on Friday.  Thought I would pick up a size 10 cause I knew I wasn't a 12 anymore... but decided to try an 8 first per chance I might be able to get a leg in them.  Well I did... and they had room in the waist.  So I was like... I'm having fun listening to the awesome mix of songs Old Navy had going and didn't mind wasting time standing on the 100 people in front of me line so I thought maybe I'll try a 6...so I did... and they fit... and my butt looks amazing.  And I don't even have a butt.  So that's a good thing.  I started crying.  No really.  I turned bright red as I do when I'm really really crying and couldn't stop until I got outside to call my grandma to tell her (I called you second only because I had to get on the subway and I wanted to take my time telling you...).  She said "Yahoo!" which she does when something is really really great and she's really really proud of you.  Then she said, "You have to come home so we can feed you."  I know she was kidding but...deep down I know she wasn't.  My family likes to sabotage people's diets.  I know they do.  They know they do.  We've talked about this before.  We're all bunches of fatties who like to keep the others fatties so we aren't the fatty of the family but rather we're a family of fatties.  Anyway... ALSO Friday...

I arrived to the lady I babysit for's apartment and she opens the door and goes, "You look so cute!"  I did look really cute that day.  I was wearing a rain coat I got for Christmas which at the time was pushing being too tight but now it is big even past the last belt loop.  I know.  Anyway... and I was wearing a hat to match.  I looked cute.  ANYWAY... then she immediately goes "You're half your size!" and I was like omg YES!  That was one of my goals to have her compliment the fact I was getting smaller.  YES!  I like scrunched up my nose like how you do when you're about to start crying but I tried sooo hard not to.  She goes, "Not that you needed to be or anything..."  and I was like "Shut up."  It felt so fucking good

Then Saturday I went to a play my friend directed and wore this KILLER dress.  I love this dress.  I wore it when I voted.  It is this A line herringbone with cap sleeves and a boat neck cuffed collar.  And it has a big belt across the waist and I pulled it as tight as it could go so my waist looked so tiny and my curves looked awesome and then I went to karaoke and every since all of my friends' friends that we hung out with that night have been calling me.  OMG I sound like such a fucking conceited bitch I hate myself ew.  I'm not trying to brag about any of this.  I'm just feeling victorious for the first time like ever.  

OH AND I GOT MY NOSE PIERCED!  

Haha you gave me that shirt!! 

Okay so the bad stuff...

My fucking foot hurts.  Here's what it looks like

Like there are blisters that look like rings in tree bark like that you look at to see how old it is.  And the whole thing is mad swollen.  It KILLS me when I put weight on it like KILLLLLS.  OMG you can totally see the hair on my man legs.  Don't look.  Anyway at least it was brought on by the fact I'm exercising.  But the only way to get rid of it is to not walk.  Um...  I can't do that.  Why couldn't this have been my hand or something I don't absolutely need to get exercise.  I'm not going to the gym tomorrow cause it's TUESDAY!  THE BEST DAY OF THE WEEK!  Tuesdays with Mr. K.  :-)  I love Tuesdays.  I'm going to wear my SIZE 6 JEANS!!!!!  

  

So much for this being quick.

Still Fat

Well, so much for only posting the bad things I ate. Today, I ate so much that I have to write it all bc the amount of food that I consumed (or, inhaled) equals bad eating. Here we go.

Breakfast / Lunch: (I ate all of this in the span of about an hour and a half, so I'm going to lump it all together)

- Bowl of Coco Krispies with skim milk
- Bowl of Cheerios w/ skim
- Two wasa crackers with hummus
- 1/2 pint of fat free lemon sorbet (220 calories, 45 grams of fucking sugar) Yes, I ate half of the pint. So fat.
- Lean Pocket

Dinner:
- BIG salad with about 2 tbls of Jason's Deli Italian dressing... it's not too bad as far as calories go. Nothing bad on the salad except for feta cheese, but it's the least harmful cheese you can put on a salad (learned that in my new book "Eat This, Not That" :)
- Three flatbread crackers, 60 cal each, with hummus.
- A small amount of chocolate mousee.

That's a lot of food. Ugh.

And I had a crap day at the gym. It seemed like every machine was out of commission, and when I finally did get on one it was sweaty and gross, so I moved. The next one had a broken tv. The tv's on the treadmills are my distraction, so I don't bring my ipod. When I got on one that was broken, my workout went on FOREVER. So I only did 20 mins and then walked uphill to Jason's Deli near my house. Doesn't sound like much, but I worked up a really good sweat. I will try not to count this as one of my gym days. I work all day Sat and Sun, so it's going to be sooo hard to have weekend gym time. I'll work out Wed-Fri.

Hope your foot is feeling better!!

-Katie

The Reformation (minus the head-hunting Henry)

So I have an idea. Maybe from now on, we keep everything the same but the details of the food. Instead of writing down everything we ate, we will just write if we ate anything bad that day. That way, we are still accountable and still have to fess up. I just think that writing all of it may be the reason we don't get around to the blog. We put it off bc we know it's going to be lengthy, and then the day is over and we didn't do it. Or maybe we were just lazy...

If you're okay with this, here's what I'm thinkin.. we can still put our weekly goals, whether or not we met them at the end o the week, daily workout details, and our general gripes and woes about the battle of the bulge. We'll just add the bad food thing. And how bad it was. If you want to just keep it the way it has been, I'm fine with that too. Just let me know!

Today, I worked out for the first time in ... too long. I think it was a week and a half. Today I did 50 mins on the treadmill and burned 450 cal. It felt great, but at the same time it made me feel like shit for not keeping it up. I weighed myself and I am at 151. That's not good, but in my defense, I just started my period, so maybe a couple of those pounds are due to that. If not, then it makes sense that I've only lost a pound or two-- I haven't worked hard enough fot it. Tomorrow I have to work at H&M (my once a week, every other week job) from 9-4 and I'm gonna work out sometime in the evening.

And Kate, I am so proud of you. I mean it. You have done such an amazing job and I can't believe your size 6 story. So great!!! But the "half your size" compliment was the best. Really. You should be so proud of yourself. This is something that a bazillion Americans can't overcome. There is a billion dollar industry of weight loss solutions (yeah, I just made that number up..), and YOU are doing it on your own. No Jenny, no meetings, no pills, no diets even!! Just eating better and exercising. And the best part for me is that you're really making me wish I was seeing results like you are. So, I'm just gonna have to get back in the state of mind that I was in the first week of this and stop eating chocolate and work out more.

Keep on kicking ass Kate!

-Katie

Oh geez..

Well well well. Bad news first. No gym today, and I ate a bunch of chocolate. I'm tired and have no energy and it's been like this for a few days now.. I blame pms (especially for the chocolate part.) And the fucked up thing is that I know if I went to the gym I would have energy and wouldn't be tired. Catch 22 bullshit.

What I ate yesterday (Tue):

Breakfast:
- Fiber one granola bar
- A handful of goldfish and a piece of pbutter toast a bit later in the morning

Lunch:
- Lean Pocket
- Lowfat popcorn
- 1/2 apple

Dinner:
- Publix 6-in turkey sub on whole grain bread
- A few bites of John's Chinese Food
- A bite sized kit kat and snickers ... ugh..
- Small container of good-for-you yogurt (frozen, of course)

(And this was all whlie watching the Biggest Loser. But, hey, at least I resisted Chinese takeout and opted for the sub.)

.. I think that's it. I may have had a few R.fat Cheese Its in there somewhere, but not many.

Today:

No breakfast, woke up late.

Lunch:
- A quarter of a turkey sandwich on white french bread (seriously, it was sooo small, three bites)
- A whole lotta R.fat Cheese Its. Waaay too many.
- two bite sized snickers.

wow, what a shit lunch.

Dinner:
- Baked salmon w/ onions tossed in very little bread crumbs, smart balance and evoo
- One serving of whole grain rice
- 1/2 apple w/ less than 1tbls of pbutter

and.. shoot me. Like 4 pieces of the giant Toblerone that my roommate left on the kitchen counter. She has like one piece a day and it just won't fucking go away!!!!!! AHHH!!!!

The weird thing is, Kate, is that I don't feel as fat as I did last week. Like, I don't think I'm losing weight, but my stomach looks less rolypoly-ish. And I have this fat roll under my bra that forms an upside down V crease (does that description makes sense?), and it's slightly less visible. Maybe I should keep eating the chocolate??? Ha, just kidding. Even though it's day 3 of this week and I still haven't gone to the gym, you can't yell at me for it yet bc I have 4 more days left in the week. If I don't do the 3/4 days by Sunday night, then you can yell at me. Until then, you have my solemn (more like somber) gym vow.

Please don't yell at me. Please.

Love,
Katie

Just when my life seems to be moving on up....

.... it all comes crashing down.  If there is a God, he/she/it/they is/are totally fucking with me.  Today was a really good day... until I checked my Myspace.  Why do I ever bother with Myspace anymore?  I'm done with it.  Fuck Myspace.  Fuck boys.  Fuck this shit.  AGH!

Anyway let me focus on my bikini bod in the making.  Went to the gym this morning.  Did hardcore treadmill for 45 min.  Burned almost 400 (couldn't get the actual number or the total distance cause I accidentally hit pause and then restart somewhere in the middle... I do that EVERY time... so annoying).  Then I worked my arms a bit.  I felt a-maz-ing after the gym.  Even right now I'm so upset and can't think of anything to do with myself but workout to make me feel better.  Makes me excited for tomorrow.  This is CRAZIness.  

What did I eat today?

Breakfast:

- Special K with skim milk (210... I wrote 190 yesterday but obviously was wrong)

- An orange

Lunch

- Salad with cauliflower, carrots, cucumbers, a tiny bit of crunchy things and french dressing probably 3 tbs.

Dinner

- Organic lasagna (310 cal)

- Carrots with dijon mustard-dill sauce probably 1 tb.

My school friend looked at me and was like "You lost a lot of weight."  I was like "Whaaaaaaaaa" especially because I was wearing a fat shirt... like a flouncy one.  It felt awesome.  She asked what I was doing... and the class was letting out so things were chaotic so I decided not to explain to her about the whole blog thing so I just said I've been going to the gym.  She looked TOTALLY jealous!  Like she said "You lost a lot of weight" with a total stink face like "fuck you bitch."  It was awesome.  I told her about the cleanse when I was on it and she tried to do it and lasted like four hours.  I love her she's the sweetest girl in the world but her failures make me feel really good about myself... is that fucked up?

I weighed myself at the gym this morning and with my shoes on I weighed 149...  so I probably weigh 148 right?  Like a pound for the shoes?  Which would mean I lost two pounds even though last week sucked!  I was afraid to go on the scale without my shoes after the Latina Humpty Dumpty yelled at me that day (she was at the gym this morning... she is totally losing a lot of weight... I can't let her beat me.)  So like I said... it was a good day.... until I checked my Myspace.  Except I honestly bought a pack of cigarettes which since the Myspace incident I've been chain smoking.  This is the last time I let a social networking site make me sad.  

I swear to God if I don't read a post from you tonight.....

Back on track

Heyyyy there Katie.  I'm feeling better about myself.  Your comment really really helped me not be so hard on myself.  And I caught a glimspe of myself in the mirror turning to the side and I didn't look so preggers as I usually do so woohoo.  

I still feel a little sick... and couldn't go to the gym anyway cause I had to observe at the elementary school today.  Have I already said that they put me in a class with the hottest teacher with the most perfect hiney?  I love it.  I love Tuesdays.  Even though I had to break up a fist fight, deal with a seven year old that couldn't add 6+1 and explain to a group of boys that it's not cool to say "titties".... ever.  OMG I HATE that word!  And then immediately after I had class so Tuesdays are a no gym day.  But I AM going tomorrow if it kills me.  I'm gonna do like I had been doing and just roll out of bed and go.  Hopefully early cause I have insane amounts of work to do tomorrow.  

Breakfast

-Bowl of Special K with skim milk (160 cal)

Lunch

- Banana

- Bag of all natural pita chips (200 cal)

Dinner

- Pasta salad in pesto with a few pieces of cheese 

- Like 4 slices of grilled chicken

I actually made it a point to eat dinner right when I got home afer class.  I'm still trying to eat before 9pm.  I did pretty good today eating wise.  Now I hope I can just get back in the swing of working out after such a long time away from it.  Again, I can't believe that now I think that a week of not working out is such a long time when I went yeaaaaaaaars without doing it.  Yay for us!  

Oh yea...  I got these free from New York Quits...  and I'm gonna actually use them.

 I've used the patch successfully before...  quit for like a year.  So hopefully they'll help me again.  I'm gonna go smoke the last cigarette in my pack... probably call you... and watch the Housewives of NYC.

Byeee,

Kate

My cat is eating a Cheese-It right now

... don't worry, it was reduced fat.

Okay Kate, I have no excuse. But if I did, it would be that last week was a long, weird, at times hard, birthday week. Does that count for anything? I wasn't ever thinking I was going to stop doing this, so don't worry about that, it was just hard to get to it. And how many times did I go to the gym last week? ZERO. Pathetic. Tonight I bought some cheap-o workout clothes from Wal Mart, and I'm excited about that. Just a little inspiration to spice up my gym relationship after a long week apart from each other.

No gym today, and none tomorrow either, bc it's my long day, but Wednesday, it's on. And I'm going to weigh myself and see the 5 lbs I probably gained. Tomorrow I'll try to go for a walk or do something active.

Today I ate badly. I went out with my aunt and cousins for a late lunch and they chose Mexican. Salads at Mexican restaurants suck, and everyone knows it. Maybe it would be good if I could eat the shell bowl, but nope, that defeats the purpose of eating the salad. The bad decisions started with the cheese nachos that were ordered for the table. It was all downhill from there.

Skipped breakfast..

Lunch:
- Cheese nachos
- Speedy Gonzales: Beef enchilada, grilled chicken taco and refried beans.

I also had dried mango slices and way too many bites out of the dish of brownies my cousin made.

Dinner:
- A baked sweet potato with a small amount of Smart Balance Light on it.
- Reduced fat Cheese Its.. probably three servings ..

And.. ... oh man I'm embarrassed. My friend Andrea got me a HUGE Toblerone for my bday and I've been eating it since Friday. I shared a little bit of it, but it's so huge. One of the triangles is probably two inches tall, and tonight I had four of them. I can't believe I just admitted that. And my friend Kim got me one too, not knowing that Andrea bought me one. But I gave that one to my roommate, and the other one is gone..

I'm ashamed. And it really does make it worse seeing it in print.Tomorrow is a new day, right?

I hope you're feeling better and thanks for the "happy birthdays!"

-Katie

Fat fat fat disgusting gross fat fat

Kaaaaatie -

Agh I am in the worst mood today.  I like can't shake this irritated feeling.  It's probably because I have a crap load of work and haven't done any of it.  And the fact that they canceled school in GEORGIA and EVERY school in NYC and pretty much the entire east coast except mine.  It's really a fucking joke.  Anyway...

I'm disappointed that we were slacking on the posts... but whatever... it is what it is... shit happens.  And let it never happen again!  

I feel totally fat and disgusting.  I am grossed out by myself.  I haven't been to the gym in over a week!  Yes I was sick last week... and I still am sick as a matter of fact.  I can't shake this cold.  Tomorrow I have to observe at a school (omg I am observing the HOTTEST teacher with the most perfect butt... I love Tuesdays) so I won't be able to go to the gym either.  So I HAVE to HAVE to HAVE to go Wed, Thurs, Fri and one day this weekend.  I really really want to go to the ab classes BOTH Thurs and Fri.  

Remember I told you I took pictures of my body?  So the first week looks WAY better than the second week.  Like my stomach got WAY bigger.  The first picture actually looks like I have some definition and the second picture I look preggers.  Agh I am really disgusted.  I need to diet and work out hardcore and then I'll feel better.  It's weird knowing that working out will make me feel better.  I like it.

I'm glad I'm back to blogging even though I am making myself sick balancing my laptop on my fat disgusting ugly gut.  I'm really depressed.  I feel like I'm back to square one.  Like all the work I've done in the past few weeks has been for nothing.  I really don't like this feeling.  I don't want to feel like this anymore.

Breakfast

Bagel (150 cal)

Cream cheese

Granola bar (90 cal)

Yogurt (90 cal) with granola

Lunch

Pasta salad probably 1 cup...  not good calorie wise I'm sure

Agh bad... Chicken with bacon lettuce and tomato with 1 tb mayo on whole wheat pita

Snack

Apple with the mmmm peanut butter...  wayy too much of it.

Dinner

Rest of chicken club (it was cut in thirds so dinner was 1/3)

Progresso Light.. the 0 point Weight Watcher one... I liked it!  I thought it tasted pretty good and was really filling!  These are going to be my new best friends.  

And I haven't been smoking (W) so that's been helping with not eating so late...  okay well it's 10:46 and I just ate dinner... but it WILL help with not eating so late.

Here's to making this week a good one...

Peace out,

Kate