Feeling shitty

11:56am:  I woke up like a half hour ago and like immediately started crying.  I set my alarm (twice) to get up this morning for the class at the gym and it just wasn't happening.  Like I was so tired I couldn't get myself out of bed.  So I didn't go.  I'm really disappointed in myself.  I really wanted to do both the class and yoga today.  I promised myself I would.  And I didn't.  And now I feel like shit.  I am really depressed.  I don't know what it is.  I just did 40 sit ups though and am going to do another 60 today.  OMG all I want to do is stay in sweats in bed all day and cry.  

Another thing that added to me wanting to cry is my stomach is definitely bigger than from when I took the picture of myself on Monday.  I knew I would gain after the cleanse but I mean come on.  I've been working hard and eating not shit.  But I guess I haven't been working hard enough and eating too much.  I'm really down in the dumps.

7:21pm:  Just got off the phone with you and you made me feel a lot better.  I don't know why I'm feeling so bad about myself.  I feel like I could be doing more... but I mean I have improved myself so much in the past two weeks.  I can't believe I'm a gym goer.  And I can't believe I'm feeling this guilty about not going to the gym one day when I didn't feel bad about not going for like five years.  

What did I eat today?:

Breakfast:

-Oatmeal (130 cal)

-Orange

Lunch

-California veggie burger (130 cal)

-Whole wheat pita (110 cal)

-Light and Fit Yogurt (80 cal)

Dinner

-One piece grilled chicken

-About 1/3 cup mashed potatoes

-Orange

Uh oh... and

-Butterfinger (270 cal)

My suitemate has been barfing all day.  It would just be the story of my life if I got sick for my exams tomorrow.  But I'm kind of sick in the head because I'm secretly hoping to get sick on Sunday so then I'll lose a few pounds... that's wrong I shouldn't think like that.

I don't know what my eating situation is going to be tomorrow.  I kind of want to take advantage of being able to eat in my old stomping grounds.... then again I don't think I'll want to be there any longer than I have to because I had a breakdown the last time I was in a neighborhood with old memories... agh.  Depending on how exhausted I am and how cold it is outside I might go to where I used to live in Brooklyn to get my pad thai at Sea Asia (where when I used to call for food they would answer the phone 'Hello Katherine'... so obviously I ate there a lot)...  again if I'm not falling asleep and if it's not totally brick I could walk across the Brooklyn Bridge to get there.  We'll see.  

Agh I haaave to sleep now.

Kate